


Finding Light

by Seajellybaby



Series: The LA Series [18]
Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Drama, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Romance, Soap Opera
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:54:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23050513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seajellybaby/pseuds/Seajellybaby
Summary: The LA Series is my attempt to continue the Luke and Noah story from the finale onward.  I have tried to keep as true to the original show as possible.  I hope you enjoy it.As these stories are part of a series I have rated them all as mature - Just to be safe.
Relationships: Noah Mayer/Luke Snyder
Series: The LA Series [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1601257
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

One day.  
  
They had been married for just one day.  
  
Maybe Noah was right, maybe fate did hate them…  
  
***

 _They fell through the bedroom door, arms grappling for one another in a heady mix of laughter, tears, lust, passion and kisses. But as they reached their final destination, their kisses slowed; became more sultry and controlled... more concentrated._  
  
 _After a few minutes that way, Noah gently left Luke's side to find the matches._  
  
 _Luke waited in the semi-darkness... shoulders heaving... for Noah to finish lighting the candles around the room. After Noah had seen to the final one, Luke thought how striking the image, as Noah lifted the still lit match and softly blew it out. He glanced up to catch Luke watching him; smiled that gorgeous ‘we’re about to make love’ smile that Luke always found so erotic. Luke smiled back._  
  
 _***_  
  
As he sat waiting, thinking, remembering... holding onto those memories... he twisted the ring on his finger around and around. His eyes fixed on the cheap plastic clock on the wall, watching as the seconds ticked loudly past... echoing in his head like signals of doom.  
  
His fear, which at first had glued him to the chair, had earlier begun to simmer and steam... then to bubble... until now he was ready to explode. Just like a volcanic eruption only worse.  
  
 _***_  
  
 _Noah dropped the used match back into the tiny box. Ever one for safety first, he returned to the corner of the room to leave the matches in the top drawer of the dresser._  
  
 _Each floating candle would bob periodically as tiny movements in the house caused the water in the crystal bowls to ripple slightly. The light from each candle danced across the walls and ceiling; most noticeably off the bodies of the only two people in the room._  
  
 _Luke’s eyes rested on the bed, romantically dressed; ready for them on their first married night together._  
  
Married!

 _He still couldn’t believe it…_  
  
 _***_   
  
Tick, Tick, Tick…  
  
Endless ticking; each tick a hammer to his brain and his heart.  
  
He swallowed back the panic, trying to find refuge... a haven... in calming thoughts of _him_ …  
  
***  
  
 _Luke lifted his hand to admire the ring on his finger; inhaled loudly as Noah’s right hand slipped round his waist from behind, continuing on its course to deftly undo two buttons on Luke's shirt. It slid inside to lie flat against Luke's abs. Noah's other hand ran up Luke’s out stretched arm, fingers spending a moment studying the ring there, before interlacing Luke's hand with his own; bringing both hands back to press against Luke’s chest. His body eased up closer against Luke’s. His left hand moved to cup the back of Luke’s neck, smoothing upward to push back the longer blonde hair; clearing a path so that Noah's lips could follow behind. As Noah kissed his way up Luke’s spine, sending shock-waves through every part of him, Luke wrapped an arm behind them, cupping and pressing the back of Noah’s thigh tightly. He felt melded to Noah... a perfect fit._

 _***_  
  
“…tried to reason with him…”  
  
“…angry. He was forced to leave…”  
  
“...a deliberate blow…”  
  
The words of the police officer’s explanation jumbled together in his brain, adding fuel to the fire. When the full force explosion of anger finally did happen, he was up and out of his seat... out the door... before anybody knew what had happened.  
  
He heard Casey’s chair squeak across the floor as his friend bolted after him... shouting his name... but his feet pounded hard and determined along the hospital corridor. He didn’t stop…  
  
…and neither did his thoughts…  
  
 _***_  
  
 _Luke’s breathing increased substantially as Noah’s hand bent his head to the side; lips found the back of Luke's ear. He licked a path from top to bottom before sometimes biting, sometimes sucking at his lobe._ _“I love you, Luke.”_  
  
 _Luke shivered as the hot whisper traveled through him. He arched his back into Noah, closing his eyes; lifting his head to the ceiling so that Noah’s lips could find easy access to his throat. Fingers as soft as butterfly wings, rested gently under Luke’s chin._

_***_

He flew out of the cab.  
  
He heard the driver shout after he left without paying, but he didn’t care.  
  
He was beyond caring.  
  
He ran up the station stairs two at a time in search of answers.  
  
 _***_  
  
 _As Luke enjoyed the heady scent of him, Noah’s hand traveled higher; slowly squeezed at his nipple. It felt incredible, and Luke kept still, allowing Noah to do as he pleased, drowning in the pure sensation of Noah's intimate stroking._  
  
 _Just these soft grazes from Noah… these gentle kisses… were making Luke want to release. After weeks without Noah, his body was positively crying out for his touch._  
  
 _“Hmmph!” he couldn’t help expelling the groan, as Noah’s mouth found his lips; Noah's tongue entering in a deep wet kiss from behind._

 _Luke wanted to keep things slow. He wanted this to last. But his body seemed to have other plans; was demanding quick satisfaction. He fought against it, but in doing so only managed to increase the intensity of the need powering through him._  
  
 _“It feels like the first time, doesn’t it?” Luke whispered, referring to the absolute erotic want he felt in that moment._  
  
 _Noah smiled in agreement._ _“There’s something I…" Kiss. "...never..." Kiss. "... told you before…” Noah’s voice was gravelly between the kisses._  
  
 _“A-ha?" Luke asked. “What’s that?”_  
  
 _Noah turned Luke’s entire body round to face him; placed his palm on Luke’s cheek. Candlelight danced across his face. “You definitely look better with your clothes off…”_  
  
 _This suggestive comment caused a wave of excitement through Luke from his head to his toes, and he giggled. “Oh, yeah?” He reached up to start undoing the buttons on Noah’s shirt. “You think so, ha?”_  
  
 _Noah’s mouth back on his was answer enough. “You… taste… so... good!” Noah’s fingers were still playing with the nipple beneath his shirt, and Luke groaned loudly as Noah’s other hand found the hardness of his crotch. “I want to… taste… all of you…”_  
  
 _Luke’s breath hitched as the remaining buttons down Noah's shirt came undone; the white garment fell to the floor. He_ _stood back, sweeping his eyes over Noah admiringly._  
  
 _Noah blushed. “Will you stop that? You’re making me feel self conscious…”_  
  
 _Luke grinned at him; roughly pulled Noah's naked chest to press hard against his own. “Your body's perfect, Noah. You have no reason to feel embarrassed. Not ever…”_  
  
 _Noah took that moment to pull Luke’s already open shirt off his back. “Since you mention it, neither do you… Not that you ever are..." He kissed a path across Luke’s chest. Luke panted as Noah's tongue encircled one nipple. Luke lowered a hand to rub Noah's crouch suggestively; felt it grow harder still._  
  
 _“Wait…" Noah pushed Luke's kneading hand away. "Later… First…” Noah pulled from Luke's touch to free Luke of his linen trousers. He stood eyeing a completely naked Luke, then kissed him; surprised him by pushing him hotly back onto the bed. "First we deal with you!”_  
  
 _Luke’s laughing was quickly replaced by groaning as Noah’s entire mouth enclosed over him._ _“Noah…” he pleaded, “Noah, Noah, Noah…”_  
  
 _Noah reluctantly lifted his head._  
  
 _Luke gasped at him. He looked so incredibly sexy; lips wet and swollen... hair slightly mussed up. “I don’t want to finish too early.”_  
  
 _Noah smiled. “Luke, baby… we have_ all _night and_ all _day tomorrow…”_  
  
 _Luke laughed. “_ All _day?”_  
  
 _“Unless you have something you’d rather be doing?”_  
  
 _“Um… let me think…” he raised his eyes to the ceiling. “Hmm, do I have something better to do than to spend all night and all day letting my stunning husband fuck my brains out in bed… Um… No!”_  
  
 _Noah fixed Luke's gaze for a few tantalizing minutes with an expression so beautiful Luke could never describe it in words._ _“Husband…” he whispered, trying the word out on his lips as they formed in a supple smile._  
  
 _“Husband,” Luke nodded, and then cackled out loud._  
  
 _Noah Laughed too._  
  
 _Pretty soon they were rolling about together in pure and uncontrollable hysterics. Just as one felt he could stop, the other would start up again, until their bellies burned and tears fell from their eyes. Totally out of breath from laughter, Noah rose higher to kiss Luke’s mouth, tonguing his lower lip; dropping kiss by tender kiss to continue his previous pleasuring…_  
  
 _“Mmm…”_  
  
***   
  
Oh, how happy they were…  
  
He burst through the police station doors with such a loud force... radiating such rage... that several nearby officers instantly moved toward him. The whole station came to an abrupt and silent standstill as all eyes fell on him. He couldn't have cared less.  
  
“Where is he?” Luke demanded, puffing and heaving with adrenaline. He made to start searching every room in the place, but his path was promptly blocked by a couple of burly looking police officers.  
  
“Sir, calm down, please,” one of them said calmly.  
  
But Luke was beyond the point of rational behavior, or remaining calm, or being polite.  
  
“Where the fuck is he!” he demanded wildly.  
  
“Sir,” the officer continued with practiced professionalism, “we would like to help you, but you need to calm down. If you don’t calm down we will be forced to restrain you.”  
  
Having followed closely behind Luke’s cab, Casey burst through the door. He quickly grabbed at Luke’s shoulders, trying to pull him back. “Come on, man! Don’t do this!”  
  
“Mr. Snyder?” The blockade of officer’s parted at the sound of the authoritative voice, and Luke recognized Detective Mullins making his way over to them.  
  
“I want to see him,” Luke insisted quickly, violently shaking off Casey’s hold.  
  
“Mr. Snyder…” he sighed sadly at the man in front of him. “Luke…”  
  
“I need to ask him why!" His voice cracked. "I need to know!”  
  
“He’s not here.”  
  
“What?” Luke felt his heart plummet. “What do you mean he’s not here?”  
  
“We released him an hour ago.”  
  
“What?” The anger peaked again.  
  
“He’s very remorseful, Luke, and we had no reason to…”  
  
The detective didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence. Luke turned; was already heading with disgusted purpose out the door. A miserable Casey followed hot on his heals; definitely wondering how the hell he was supposed to stop his devastated friend from losing it completely. "Man, this seriously sucks!"   
  
“Luke,” the detective yelled after them, “don’t go doing something stupid!”  
  
***  
  
 _The skin of Luke’s back was warm and smooth. It pulsed and shimmered as Noah rubbed his palm slowly up the hollow arch of it and back. Luke smelled fresh; soapy and clean after their quick shower session._  
  
 _Luke had collapsed stomach down on the bed the moment they got back to the room; promptly fell into a blissful sleep. His damp hair spilled across the sheet; his cheek was all scrunched up as it pressed into the bed. Noah chuckled at him._  
  
 _His hand moved from Luke’s lower back to the firm round peaches of his behind... smooth as a rock in the sea... which he kneaded slightly. Luke’s toes curled in his sleep. He muttered sweetly, shifting slightly closer, seeking Noah out even in slumber._  
  
 _Noah studied the downy texture at the back of his thigh; continued south until he found one squeaky-clean foot, which he gripped, pressing his thumb firmly into the undersides; massaged there._ _Luke stirred, lips curling into a perfectly satisfied smile._ _Noah flicked his tongue on the tip of Luke’s little toe; closed his mouth over it... sucking gently; softly grazing his teeth along the underside of it. Luke arched his back upward; awake now he moaned in response, the fist of his left hand clamping the nearest pillow._  
  
 _As Noah tenderly moved to sucking the next toe along, he slide a hand over Luke's calf, tickling at his ankles. He lifted up for a breath; pressed his cheek into the foot’s arch... felt the heartbeat there. It was fast and increasing. Smiling, he kissed the tip of each toe; the top of the foot... crawled up the bed to lie over Luke, pressing his full weight into him as he massaged at his arms._  
  
 _Luke loved sleepy sex. Noah learned that pretty fast when they first lived together in Oakdale. And to be honest, Noah loved it that he did. There was something magical about h_ _olding the power of seduction in his hands…_ _Luke’s total trust in him… h_ _is complete surrender…_ l _ying in a willing nakedness._  
  
 _Safe in love…_  
  
 _Noah nuzzled at his ear, lapping at him. He couldn’t help but notice how juicy Luke's lips looked; all puckered up to one side of the sheet. He rubbed his thumb along the plumpness there, and Luke sleepily kissed the finger's tip. Noah pressed his brow into Luke, smelling the freshness of him, pawing delectably at him... caressing his recently shaven jaw line. Noah's body began to tremble, his heart skipped a beat and his breath caught. He closed his eyes, savoring the feel of the man beneath him._  
  
 _“I want to lose myself in you…” he whispered, lubricating one finger; stretching down to insert it up into him... enjoying Luke’s sharp intake of breath._ _Luke hummed and rolled under him; Noah rubbed himself up against Luke's thigh in readiness._ _“God, but you’re just… you’re just everything, baby.” Noah gasped as he pushed all of himself inside of Luke._

 _“Aurg!” Luke exclaimed, groaning; fisting into the sheet... breathing heavily all of a sudden._  
  
 _This was the feeling Luke loved, Noah knew, when his drowsy body didn’t expect it and was swiftly shocked awake in one single sweep of Noah’s hips._ _Noah bit at Luke's silky neck, withdrawing and pushing back down hard; reaching below to pump Luke’s hardness; developing into a rhythm._  
  
 _“_ _Aah!” Luke exclaimed. “Ha! Ha!”_  
  
 _Noah stilled firm inside of him, bit his ear and whispered, “Shh…” He licked the tip of Luke's ear; sucked at his jaw... waited for Luke to relax again... giving him time to get used to it._ _“I love you, baby…”_  
  
 _Luke purred in response; his body sweating now... shiny... less tense... gyrating in response to Noah’s invasion there._  
  
 _“God, you feel so good! Do you have any idea how much I missed you?”_  
  
 _“Yes,” Luke replied, responding to Noah’s hand as it interlaced his own from above. “Because I missed you… ah… I missed you just as much…”_  
  
 _Noah turned Luke’s head around as far as it would go; kissed him hard. Their tongues met in fire as they devoured each other, crying out intermittently as Noah continued his rolling thrusts._  
  
***   
  
The driver refused to travel any further without payment and Luke didn’t actually have any cash on him. He’d rushed out the house in such a state he’d left his wallet... still in the drawer it was placed in before he left for the detention center.  
  
Realizing the crazy man was taking him on a run around town without money; the driver promptly stopped and demanded he exit the vehicle.  
  
Luke swore and screamed at him, saying things he would come to regret on reflection, but compelled by a fury he’d never experienced before. Quite frankly, he didn’t know how to control it, because _this_ anger was fueled by pure and blinding fear.  
  
He was only a couple of blocks away from his intended destination, so he didn’t waste time arguing. He took off running… houses, trash cans, flower beds, cars... everything just flashed past him. He lost himself in the rhythm of the sidewalk paving stones, reaching the house in record time... not even out of breath.  
  
Having once again pursued him in a separate cab, Casey was suddenly there; swiftly moved in his way, grabbing at his arms. “Luke!” he shouted. “Stop this! Please! It won’t help Noah! You hear me? You'll get yourself arrested!”  
  
“No!” Luke screamed back. “Nothing can help him! But you know what Casey, this will help me! It will help me a lot!”  
  
He caught the yellow flash of his target’s shirt over Casey’s shoulder. Having seen them out the window of his house, the man decided it safer to flee; was sprinting across the lawn for the safety of his car. Luke was vaguely aware of his tearful wife watching from the doorway.  
  
“Hey!” Luke yelled, shocking Casey with his strength as he was flung to the ground. “Stop!” Luke ran for source of his pain, stretching out his arm to grab the man's shirt. But Luke's target was quicker; jumped in the car. He started the engine, just as Luke began banging on the window.  
  
“I’m sorry,” the man yelled terror stricken, before speeding off down the street... almost hitting a pedestrian on the way.  
  
Luke wobbled... the chase up... fell to his knees; wet brown eyes watching the car until it turned out of sight.  
  
The anger transformed rapidly into tears.


	2. Chapter 2

It was the man’s wife who paid both the cabs for the trip over. She also paid one to take Luke and Casey back to the hospital. She didn’t say anything to the distraught young man on his knees in her flowerbeds, or to Casey standing by his side looking helpless. What could she say?  
  
“Luke?” Casey tried, as he closed the car door and the cab drove off.  
  
Luke shook his head... was grateful that Casey didn’t push him to talk.  
  
He couldn’t talk…  
  
As he watched Los Angeles flash past, he bit into his fist, replaying as he had done over and over for hours, the events of the night before... trying to work through things... find a reason…  
  
Trying not to dwell on that moment when Noah shoved him.  
  
Trying not to fear it.  
  
***  
  
 _It was Noah who first responded to the doorbell._  
  
 _Luke lay serenely in the afterglow of yet another sweaty and passionate session. The last had left him spent and vaporized; tousled hair framing his peaceful face. His mouth was slightly open, his lips still moist. There was nothing but relaxed satisfaction etched on his brow._  
  
 _He was stunning._  
  
 _His husband._  
  
 _They spent the entire day inside together, creating their own piece of heaven. Noah hoped that one day he and Luke would be able to go away on a proper honeymoon. But in the meantime, the past day of continued love making and togetherness was simply magical._  
  
 _Nicholas and Mia were with Holden and Lily, staying with the rest of the family in a hotel not far from the house. Noah was grateful they offered to watch the kids for a day, so that he and Luke could spend some badly needed and well-earned time together. But Noah had to admit that he was looking forward to seeing them in the morning. The house suddenly seemed so quiet without all their little squeals and giggles. And he knew that Luke was also desperate to spend time with Nicholas and keen to get to know little Mia. Noah grinned to himself suddenly, thinking about how easily Mia... with just one smile... was going to wrap Luke around her little finger._  
  
 _He was just starting to drift off himself when he heard the doorbell chime. He stretched to check the alarm clock. It read 02:24._  
  
 _“What the fuck?” he whispered, immediately expecting the worst. What else could it be at this time of the morning? Especially when everybody they knew had been told to stay clear of the loved up couple._  
  
 _The bell rang again, and this time it stirred Luke awake._ _“Noah?” he mumbled, confused._  
  
 _“Shh... Go back to sleep. Must be the wrong house or something.”_  
  
 _Noah left the bed naked; searched the dark floor for his sweatpants and shirt... accidentally kicking one of the crystal bowls over; wetting the floor. "_ _Shit!”_

 _"Make sure to check who it is first..." Luke's muffled voice rose from somewhere under the pillows._  
  
 _Noah rolled his eyes. He dressed on his way down the hall, across the living room to the door._  
  
 _Considering the time, naturally Noah_ was _cautious. He turned on the outside light; peered through the peephole. His head jerked back in surprise when he recognized the person standing outside. He immediately unlocked the door to the tear and snot stained mess that greeted him._  
  
 _“I’m so sorry,” the boy sniffed, pathetically._  
  
 _“Noah?” Luke called softly, rubbing his eyes as he made his sleepy way over them. “Who is it?”_  
  
 _The kid’s face was devastated when he saw the shirtless Luke. He started to shake his head. “I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have come here! It was a mistake! I…I… I’m sorry…”_ _He started to back away down the path._  
  
 _“No, wait!" Noah reached out to him. “It’s okay, Josh.”_

_The frightened boy considered him for a moment, looking just like a deer caught in the headlights._ _“_

_Josh, it’s okay, come in...”_  
  
 _Noah gestured with his hand, and finally Josh limped into the house. As he past, Noah noticed how much the kid was shaking. He couldn’t get over the sight of him. The teenager looked like he had gone three rounds in a boxing ring and come out the loser. His eye was black and swollen shut. He stood there by the entrance looking small and uncertain._ _Noah closed the door; gently placed a hand on each of Josh’s shoulders making him jump in fright. "_ _You’re safe." Noah held up both his hands. "Come sit down over here…”_  
  
 _Luke was staring at them with wide-eyed amazement and confusion as Noah lowered the boy onto the couch. He took a seat on the coffee table opposite the boy. Luke and Noah's eyes met and Luke nodded at Noah, immediately reading his thoughts and disappearing into the kitchen to find an ice-pack._  
  
 _“I’m so sorry,” Josh said again. “I was walking around the city and… and I didn’t know where to go. And this man scared me in an alley and then… then… I thought… I thought maybe if I came here?”_  
  
 _It was then that Noah noticed Josh was barefoot. His feet looked painfully black and swollen._ _“Okay Josh, just calm down. Try to catch your breath.” Noah reached up and grabbed the ice-pack as Luke handed it to him. “Thanks, babe." He handed the block to Josh. "Here, hold this to your eye. It will help bring down the swelling.”_  
  
 _“Drink this, Josh." Luke handed the teen a glass of water and an aspirin, which the boy gratefully drank in one quick gulp. Luke took the glass from Josh; placed it on the side table. He quickly threw on a green shirt he'd grabbed from the clean laundry, before joining Noah seated on the coffee table._  
  
 _“Who did this?” Noah asked, pulling Josh’s hand back to move the ice-pack. He surveyed the damaged eye more closely, frowning with concern. “Who did this to you?”_  
  
 _“It was your wedding…” Josh said in a small ache-filled voice. "I thought… I thought if you two could do it… You know?”_  
  
 _They didn’t know what he was talking about, so they kept quiet. Noah gently pressed the ice-pack back into place._  
  
 _“I told them,” the voice was small, like a child’s._  
  
 _“Told who what, Josh?” Luke asked._  
  
 _“After your wedding, I spent the night thinking about it… how happy you are and how your family is so okay with everything.” He sniffed. “And so yesterday I told them.”_  
  
 _Noah cocked his head sadly at Luke as he began to understand. Luke reached over to find Noah's hand and squeeze it._  
  
 _***_  
  
 _Attending Luke and Noah’s wedding with Natalie had awakened a strength of want within Josh that he never knew existed. He lay awake all that night counting the stars through his window, thinking about how happy those two men were together... knowing how much they loved each other, how much they were loved by their friends and family. And he especially thought about how being gay didn’t even seem to come into the equation as far as they were concerned._  
  
 _It was amazing!_  
  
 _They were amazing!_  
  
 _They inspired him!_  
  
 _ _He didn’t know exactly how his father would react, but he did have some idea. His father would hold barbecues at the house, and he and his friends would crack nasty gay jokes every so often. And his father always changed the channel if a gay couple featured in a show. It was his father’s attitude toward gays that scared Josh into staying quiet.__  
  
 _ _He certainly couldn’t imagine his father ever walking him down the isle to marry another man, the way Luke’s father had.__  
  
 _ _He wasn’t sure about his mother either. He had a very close relationship with her, and she didn’t seem to mind him attending a gay wedding, so he thought perhaps out of the two, she would be the one to support him. He hoped so anyway.__  
  
 _He bunked school; spent the day going over how he would tell them... formulating the words in his head…_  
  
 _At supper that night he sat at the table listening to his father talk about his work day, and his mother talk about hers. Listened to his little sisters arguing as usual. It was a normal family dinner, and he wondered whether his actions would change that forever. But he had to do it, because he definitely didn’t want to spend the rest of his life in a lie. He definitely wanted what Luke and Noah had. That was one thing he knew for certain. He wasn't going to waste any time._  
  
 _He waited until his father was seated in his easy chair reading the newspaper... his mother was reading her book on the couch... before standing nervously before them._ _“Mom? Dad?”_  
  
 _They both looked up and noticed him there for the first time._  
  
 _“Yes, Josh?” his mother asked._  
  
 _“Um… You got a minute?”_  
  
 _His parent’s glanced with confusion at each other, and Josh thought he must have looked guilty or something because his father asked, “You’re not in more trouble over weed, are you boy?”_  
  
 _Josh bit his lower lip and shook his head. “No, Dad. I’m not in any trouble.”_  
  
 _“Well, spit it out then?”_  
  
 _Josh looked from one to the other; suddenly realized this was going to be a whole lot harder than he at first thought. This was the biggest thing he would ever have to tell them... he knew. His throat felt extremely dry as he wrung his fingers together in front of him. "_ _I can’t tell you.”_  
  
 _“What can’t you tell us, Josh?” his mother asked kindly and he was grateful to her for that._  
  
 _“No, I mean I don’t know_ how _to tell you.”_  
  
 _“What’s this about?” his father asked, obviously getting annoyed by Josh’s hesitancy; keen to return to his normal nightly routine._   
  
_Josh considered pulling out, but thought back to the wedding and planted his feet. Standing firm he said, “There’s something I’ve known for a while now and I’ve not been able to tell you.”_  
  
 _“Why not?” his mother asked._  
  
 _“I was too scared.”_  
  
 _Both his parents frowned at him. He stood staring back at them as one leg started to shake. He had to steady his breathing. "_ _Mom. Dad…” It was so hard. He couldn’t get the words out, but he was resolved to doing it. Finally he just whipped the Band-Aid off and whispered, “I’m gay.”_

 _He wasn't sure they heard him at first, but then his mother gasped as his words settled in._  
  
 _“What?” his father asked after a long and silent pause. “What did you say?”_  
  
 _“I said I'm gay, Dad.” He said it with as much conviction as his tiny voice would allow._  
  
 _“Don’t talk rubbish! Where the hell would you get such a crazy idea?”_  
  
 _His mother sat in shock, her mouth gaped open._  
  
 _ _“It’s not a crazy idea. It’s the truth. I’m gay and I needed to tell you.”_ _  
  
__“But…” whispered his mother, “but, Natalie?”_ _  
  
__“She’s just a friend, Mom. She knows I'm gay.”_ _  
  
__“Now you listen to me, son,” Josh was caught off-guard by the tone of warning from his father, “you are__ not __gay! Somebody has led you to think that you are!”__  
  
 __Josh shook his head. “No, Dad…”_  
_  
 _“It’s that girl’s brother, isn’t it? It was that fucking sham of a marriage you went to yesterday!” His voice was sharp and cold as he turned to his wife. “I told you! I told you he shouldn’t go! Now look! Are you happy? Now the kid’s decided he’s gay too! Wonderful!”_  
  
 _J_ _osh felt suddenly like he was drowning, trying to fight against the current... theoretically holding his arms out for one of them to pull him aboard… h_ _oping for it… desperate for their approval..._  
  
 _“Miles, please…” his wife pleaded, but the man’s anger was growing quickly._  
  
 _“Dad, Luke and Noah have nothing to do with this. I knew I was gay before I even met them!”_  
  
 _Josh didn’t know what to do or say. Everything was happening so fast. His father’s anger was building so quickly._  
  
 _“You are_ not _gay! Stop saying that!” By now the man had flown up from his chair; was looming over him._  
  
 _“Dad… Dad, please?”_  
  
 _“Miles, can’t you see how hard this is for him?”_  
  
 _“Shut up, Marion!”_  
  
 _Both Marion and Josh shuddered in disbelief at his father’s reaction. Neither of them had ever seen him like this._  
  
 _“Dad, I can’t hide anymore. Please understand.”_  
  
 _“The only thing I understand is that some sick perverts have twisted my son’s head!”_  
  
 _“I’m gay!”_  
  
 _“Shut the fuck up, okay? You’re talking shit and I want you to stop this right now! I’m warning you!”_  
  
 _Josh was shaking like a leaf. His father had never sworn at or in front of him before. From the corner of his eye he could see his two sisters cowering by the door, crying with fear at the unfamiliar anger blasting from every pour of their father. His mother was nothing more than a timid heap of sniffles on the couch. Josh started to sob; couldn’t hold back the tears._  
  
 _This was wrong. This was all wrong._  
  
 _“There is no_ way _that you are gay! There is_ no _possible_ way _that my son's a fucking fairy! Do you understand me?” He waited for Josh to answer, obviously expecting Josh to agree. “Do you understand?”_  
  
 _But that strength Josh found within himself took hold once more. He knew he would have to fight on this. It was either fight or live a life of agony._ _“_ _This is why I didn’t tell you guys! I knew you would act this way. Do you think it’s easy for me? I spent the whole day worrying about this! But you_ have _to know the truth! You have to know it, Dad! I can't live like this anymore. It's killing me! I am Gay!”_  
  
 _The blow to his eye was so hard and unexpected, it knocked the wind out of him. He collapsed easily to the floor. He thought that would be it, but his father seemed suddenly possessed; to his shock the man continued to pummel him, hitting him with blow after painful blow, until finally stepping back in a breathless huff of fury._  
  
 _Josh wasn’t sure what hurt most, the physical violence or the emotional disregard._  
  
 _He could hear his mother and his sisters screaming in terror._  
  
 _“Get out!” Miles yelled. He pulled Josh harshly up off the floor by his arm; ignored his wife’s plaintive pleading... dragged his son over to the door. He physically chucked Josh outside. “Don’t you ever think of coming back here unless it’s to apologize for upsetting your family in this cruel way! Until you can behave like a proper man I don’t’ want to see you again! You got that? You come back here straight, otherwise I’ll kill you!”_  
  
 _Josh flinched in terrorized shock as the white door to his home slammed in his face_  
  
 _***_  
  
 _“I told them I’m gay.” He shook his head; sobbed at the memory of it. “He was so angry! I’ve never seen him so angry.”_ _The child broke down, his back jerking with the sobs. Luke moved immediately beside him on the couch to hug the child into his chest._ _“I… didn’t… know… where else… where else to go!”_  
  
 _“It’s okay," Luke said, gently stroking his head._  
  
 _“I thought you… you would know… You would understand…”_  
  
 _“We do.” Oh yes, they did!_  
  
 _“He hates me! He said he’d kill me! He’s never done that before…” His voice cracked in pain. “He’s strict, but he’s never hit me before.”_  
  
 _They sat with him for a while, until Noah showed him to the bathroom so he could shower. He loaned him a pair of Luke’s sweatpants and one of his own shirts. Noah sat on the end of their bed, waiting for Josh to finish. The child was clearly emotionally and physically exhausted. Noah put him to bed in the guestroom._ _“You can stay here for now, okay Josh? Don’t worry,” Noah told him._  
  
 _“Thank you,” he whispered, drifting off to sleep._  
  
 _The kid’s story was all too familiar, and Noah’s heart broke for him as he closed the guest bedroom door. He wondered what they could possibly do to make things right again._ _He ran both hands through his hair as he made his way back to where Luke was waiting on the couch._ _Luke took one look at Noah; quickly approached to wrap him in a close hug._  
  
 _“Kind of brings it all back, doesn’t it bubby?” Luke asked sadly, rubbing his hands up and down the small of Noah’s back._  
  
 _“Yeah,” Noah sniffed. “Sometimes... especially when it’s just us... I forget, you know? I forget how hard it was. How scared I was of him. How much I wanted him to love me.”_  
  
 _“Poor kid,” Luke sighed; gripped Noah tighter._  
  
 _“How many are out there, Luke?”_  
  
 _“What do you mean?”_  
  
 _“I mean, how many like Josh? Like me? How many kids are out there afraid of who they really are?”_  
  
 _“I know.”_  
  
 _“We’re really lucky, aren’t we?”_  
  
 _He felt Luke smile against his chest. “Well, I don't know about you... stuck here with me and my bad habits... but I know I sure am!"_  
  
 _Noah laughed, then grew serious once more._ _“I’m going to talk to them.”_  
  
 _“What?”_  
  
 _“Tomorrow. You can stay here with Josh; wait for your folks to bring the kids home. I’ll go over to the Carmody's.”_  
  
 _“Are you sure?”_  
  
 _Noah nodded. “Yeah. I feel like… I feel like I’m meant to do this. Do you understand?”_  
  
 _Luke pulled back from his chest so that he could kiss him. “I do. I love you.”_  
  
 _"And I_ am _lucky, Luke. I'm more than lucky... I'm blessed!"_  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

It was with some difficulty that Casey brought the troubled Luke back to the hospital. Luke fell immediately into the warmth of his parents' embraces. After just a few minutes in the cab, Luke was all set to turn the car around and start searching the streets of LA for the man’s vehicle. So it was a huge relief to Casey when his friend finally agreed to give up.  
  
Luke's father held him as he wept.  
  
“I need answers!”  
  
“I know, son.”  
  
“They just let him go, Dad! And I tried to stop him, but he drove off…”  
  
“Okay. Shh now…”  
  
“What if…?”  
  
“That won’t happen,” Holden cut him off. “The two of you are strong.”  
  
“It’s so unfair! It’s so unfair!”  
  
Holden simply soothed him with words and touch as a tearful Lily rubbed his shoulder.  
  
Half an hour later, Luke was sat back in the same chair as before, faced with more endless waiting. “Mom?”  
  
“Yes, baby?”  
  
“Are the kids okay? Do you know?”  
  
“They’re fine. Maddie and Alison have everything under control back at the house.”  
  
He nodded.  
  
***  
  
Noah’s previously deep and heavenly sleep; where he’d dreamed of the wedding and especially of the wedding night... playing the scenes like a movie over and over in his head... was slowly threatening conclusion.  
  
And he definitely didn’t want to wake up! He wasn’t sure why, but he knew there was something awful waiting for him on the other side of dreaming, and he didn’t want to go there.

Not for anything!  
  
***   
  
_They woke up in a tangled and bright hot heat that spilled from the window, heralding the new day. Noah groaned; chastised himself for forgetting to close the blinds during their frenzied love making._  
  
 _Luke shifted beneath him as his stomach emitted a loud and angry growl._  
  
 _“I guess it’s breakfast time, ha?” Noah grinned into Luke’s hair, placing his hand flat over Luke’s navel; tips of his fingers slipping just slightly under the band of Luke's sleep shorts._  
  
 _“Mmm...” Luke sighed, tickling Noah's back with warm fingertips. “Sounds great! Although we might find it’s actually lunchtime.”_  
  
 _Noah laughed in agreement, and they spent a few more minutes just snuggling; finding the energy to get up. They considered showering, but decided they were too hungry. Instead Noah slipped on some sweatpants, and they made a sluggish and shirtless path... never once breaking hold of each other... to the kitchen._  
  
 _Noah was first to the fridge, disappearing from Luke’s view as he opened the door; reappearing with an evil grin on his face._  
  
 _Luke frowned at him suspiciously. “What?”_  
  
 _Noah closed the fridge door, leaning his long back up against it; held up a small pink pot. “Only_ one _strawberry yogurt left!”_  
  
 _“Well_ that's _clearly mine,” Luke immediately argued. “I’m the one that always has yogurt in the morning!”_  
  
 _“I don’t know, Luke,” Noah muttered matter-of-factly, “I kind of fancy it this morning…”_  
  
 _Luke returned a playful expression that warned, “You do and you die.”_  
  
 _He watched with faked disapproval as Noah seductively pulled back the foil; sexily licked the lid._ _“_ _You wouldn’t dare!” he demanded._

 _Noah loved how Luke’s body already began to respond to the erotic sight of him standing there shirtless, his sweatpants hanging low on his hips, licking the silver lid with the tip of his tongue._  
  
 _Enjoying himself, he opened a drawer; extracted a shiny teaspoon._  
  
 _“Oh,_ come on! _” Luke exclaimed, hands on hips. “Give a guy a break over here! I’ve been eating prison food for a whole month!”_  
  
 _Noah cocked his head at Luke... smiled... dipped the spoon into the tasty pink substance. He brought it up to his mouth; twisted it inside so that the spoon slipped out his lips upside down._ _“Mmm, yum…” he teased, making a great show of sucking the thick yogurt from his bottom lip._  
  
 _“_ That's it _!” Luke laughed, launching at him._  
  
 _But Noah was expecting it; sprinted off for the living room... took refuge behind the couch. As soon as Luke made a move in one direction, Noah would laugh and make a move in the other, careful to keep the couch between them as a shield._  
  
 _Trying to keep a straight face Luke exclaimed, “Now you listen here mister! That's-”_ _But Noah stuck another spoonful in his mouth with a grin before Luke had a chance to finish his sentence. "_ _You’ve just had your final mouthful!” Luke smiled; shocked Noah by stepping right over the couch and flinging himself at him, wrapping his arms around Noah's neck with force; tackling him to the floor in a giggling heap._  
  
 _Luke kissed Noah's strawberry yogurt filled mouth; the slippery creaminess allowing their tongues to smooth together in a new kind of deliciousness._  
  
 _The touch of Luke’s skin was soft and slippery, and his scent bore a sweet hint of sweat and honey shampoo and sex. As thoughts of that drifted into his head, Noah became distinctly aware of his and Luke’s eagerness for yet another session. They just couldn’t get enough of each other. He was deliriously happy._  
  
 _As a cool breeze blew through the open window above them, their eyes met with a pleading urgency... their hunger forgotten. Luke began to work on Noah's lips. He probed inside_ _gently, as though by doing so he could literally extract the essence from Noah’s body. In his current state of pleasure, Noah began to consider that this might actually be possible. He felt drenched in longing and need, especially as their heated tongues met in the midst of a hot and quickening breath. They greedily reattached themselves together._  
  
 _“Noah…” Luke murmured, just for the delight of saying his name, enjoying a brief kissing session somewhere in the hollow of his throat._  
  
 _“Hmm…” Noah was in bliss as Luke’s voice played like music through his heart. He made a move to enter Luke, but Luke's hand crawled up inside Noah's pants, fingers searching to stretch him open instead._  
  
 _Noah moved to give Luke access; impatiently thrusting up onto the fingers... welcoming them... before they were briefly removed so his sweatpants could disappear, along with Luke’s briefs. Skin meshed with skin as Luke’s weight pressed Noah’s body into the floor. Luke moved atop him with ease, the want and hunger prevalent in the brown depths of his sunlight flecked eyes. He lowered himself gently, kissing Noah as he filled him. Noah groaned into the burn... reveled in the feeling... reached up to stroke the stray strands from Luke's forehead, his fingers becoming entangled._  
  
 _Luke’s slow rhythm began to give way to urgent and demanding drives of passion. Noah arched his back as each blow threw him deeper into ecstasy. He was screaming, soaked, and in an oblivion as he growled out Luke’s name from the back of his throat. Their bodies demanded more and Noah urged him on, feeling that shiver building to a release that made him gasp for breath. Noah sat up as that souring feeling engulfed him; his inner muscles pulsated. He tasted a firm nipple between his lips; bit down on it... sent Luke in a serious of crying moans. It was breathtaking, and Noah welcomed the weight of Luke crushing down... hot and burning... into his waiting arms._  
  
 _The small tub of yogurt that started it all lay forgotten, contents spilling on the hardwood floor._  
  
***  
  
Tick, tick, tick…  
  
They all jumped up from their seats when Nurse Maggie appeared in the doorway a few hours later. “He’s awake.”  
  
“Oh, thank God!” Lily exclaimed.  
  
“How did it go?” Luke asked quietly, afraid to know.   
  
“It’s best you ask the doctor that, Luke. He’s not available right now, but I’ll let you know when he is, okay?”  
  
Luke nodded at her.  
  
“He’s asking for you.”  
  
Luke looked up hopefully. Noah had asked for him? Maybe… just maybe…  
  
He closed the door to Noah’s room quietly behind him and waited there, uncertain whether to approach him. The sight of Noah... helpless... back in another hospital bed, set the tears off again.  
  
Noah knew Luke was there, but he sat up in the bed with his head bent downward for a long while. Luke could hear him trying to steady his breathing. Tear tracks ran in droplets down Noah's face, and it was all Luke could do not to rush over and draw the man in his arms. Finally Noah sighed deeply and lifted his hand out toward Luke.  
  
Luke was quick to cross the room and take it in a firm hold, kissing the fingers in gratitude, desperately in need of his reassuring touch. He sat on the visitor stool, and they stayed silent together as he continually kissed and pressed Noah’s hand to his face. Both were too overwhelmed, too shocked and heartbroken to speak, and Noah didn’t lift his head at all.  
  
Luke wasn’t sure how long they stayed that way. He wasn’t sure how to act... what to do... but eventually he had to ask. He spoke softly into the backs of Noah’s fingers, still held up to his lips. “Noah, can I… I would really like to… I really need to lay with you right now. Would that be okay?” His voice shook with fear.  
  
“Why are you asking me?” As Noah phrased the question, he smoothed his hand up Luke’s face; fingers feeling the tear-stained cheeks and Luke's trembling. He frowned as he wiped at the wetness there with his thumb. “Please don’t be scared. Because I’m terrified right now and… I do want you here, Luke…”  
  
Luke couldn’t hold back a loud sob.  
  
Noah sighed. “You have no idea how much I feel like I should tell you to go…”  
  
“Please don’t…”  
  
Noah shook his head, “…but I can’t. Even if it’s what I should do. Even if it’s selfish to keep you here. Will you hold me?” Noah shifted up so that Luke could climb up beside him and they cuddled together. He pressed his cheek into Luke’s chest, his voice was wobbly and small. “I’m sorry I pushed you…”  
  
Luke merely nodded and then asked, “Can you tell me what happened? The cops gave me a run down, but…”  
  
***   
  
_It took Noah some time before he worked up the courage to ring the doorbell. From what Josh had told him, his normally stoic father completely lost it at the news that his son was gay. Noah hoped it had just been a one-off wild reaction; that after a night's sleep, Mr. Carmody might have by now acknowledge his treatment of Josh and softened._  
  
 _“Noah?” Marion looked gaunt and drawn. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy... her nose red. She carried a used tissue in her hand._  
  
 _“Good morning, Marion.”_  
  
 _“Um…” she looked about ready to fall apart; on seeing him, pulled the door closed to just a crack. She spoke in a lowered voice, "Now’s not really a good time… so… if you don’t mind…” and she began to close the door._  
  
 _“It’s about Josh,” he said in a hurry, and she pulled the door open again._  
  
 _“Josh?" she asked hopefully, quickly glancing back inside the house. “You know where he is?”_  
  
 _“Yes, he’s at our house, Marion. He’s a mess...”_  
  
 _“Oh, thank God! I was so scared to think of him out all night like that!”_  
  
 _“Marion,” Noah had to ask, “why didn’t you look for him?”_  
  
 _Before she could answer, she looked back into the house as both of them heard the shuffling of footsteps coming nearer. “You shouldn’t have come here. You should go.”_  
  
 _“I was hoping I could talk to you and your husband.”_  
  
 _She shook her head in sudden panic. “I’m sorry… that’s… It’s just not possible…”_  
  
 _“Marion, this is about your son!”_  
  
 _She was just about to answer when he heard a gruff man’s voice say, “Who’s at the door?”_  
  
 _“It’s nobody. The wrong house…”_  
  
 _But just as she began to make up a story, Noah made eye contact with the dusty-haired man behind her._ _“You!” He yanked his wife out the way. He was clearly drunk, and it was obvious he had been crying. “You’re one of them aren’t you? Your one of the fags that’s poured a load of crap into my kid’s head and now he’s sprouting all this garbage at us!”_  
  
 _“Mr. Carmody, your son needs you to listen to him.”_  
  
 _“Don’t you fucking tell me what my son needs! What he needs is to keep the hell away from the likes of you!”_  
  
 _“He’s not trying to hurt you on purpose. Please Mr. Carmody, understand how hard it was for him to tell you.”_  
  
 _“Oh yeas! I’m sure! Really brave to stand up in front of his family and tell us he’s proud to call himself a pervert!”_  
  
 _“Miles!” Marion begged, her face apologetic._  
  
 _Noah tried to ignore the remarks even as they stung. “Sir, your son just wants to tell you who he is…”_  
  
 _“How dare you? How dare you come to_ my _house and try to tell me I don’t know my own son! I do! I know him! And my son is not gay!”_  
  
 _Noah saw it then…_ that _look. It tore at his insides, because all of a sudden it wasn’t Josh’s father standing before him, but his own. And right then and there Noah realized there was nothing he could do. He had to accept defeat before he even began to fight. If he hadn’t been able to change the colonel, what hope would he have of changing somebody else’s father? Especially when that person was as drunk and far gone as this man appeared to be._  
  
 _“I’m sorry you feel that way, sir. You’re right, this isn’t my business. I’m sorry I wasted your time,” he nodded once at Josh’s mother. “Your son’s staying with us. If you decide you do want to talk-”_  
  
 _“Damn right it’s not your business!” Miles kept yelling in slurred sentences, even as Noah left the front door and started his way down the garden path. “Giving him ideas! Turning him away from his family! Fucking with his head!”_  
  
 _Each sentence the man uttered increased in anger and volume and was like a rat gnawing at Noah's heart, forcing up memories and feelings from his past he had thought long gone._  
  
 _He stopped briefly to send Luke a text; was just about to insert the phone back into his pocket, when he heard Marion cry, “Look out!”_  
  
 _But he didn’t have a second to even process the thought before his head exploded. He was briefly aware of hard paving stone under his hands and spiky grass on his cheek, before he blacked out._  
  
***  
  
“When you didn’t come back, I knew something was wrong,” Luke said in a raspy voice. “You were only a few minutes away. My folks kept saying not to worry and Casey and Alison dropped by to say goodbye and they tried to convince me you were fine, but I knew… I just knew… I felt it…”  
  
Noah’s entire body shook as he cried; dug himself closer into Luke.  
  
“I’m so sorry, bubby…”  
  
***   
  
_Luke heard his cries of pain the moment he and Casey flew through the elevator doors, and it was just as if someone had suddenly stuck a hand down Luke's throat to pull his insides up through his mouth. He felt sick; had to stop for a moment just to breathe._  
  
 _“Luke!" It was Nurse Maggie, running toward him from the direction of the cries. She called him from the hospital when she recognized Noah. “Thank God you’re here at last! We need to sedate him. They need to operate quickly, but we can’t unless he quiets. Maybe you can help?”_  
  
 _“What happened?” he asked desperately._  
  
 _She shook her head. “I don’t know the full story but,” she sighed and placed a kind hand on his shoulder, “he was hit from behind…”_  
  
 _“What?”_  
  
 _“He came around just now and… and Luke… I’m so sorry but… he can’t see…”_  
  
 _Luke stumbled. She caught him in her strong arms with the help of an equally shocked Casey._ _Suddenly the fear and panic and sheer pain he could hear in those cries were all too familiar to him. Scenes from the past flashed in quick and painful succession across the backs of his retinas, threatening to throw him into a state of utter chaos._  


***

 _“I can’t see… I can’t see anything!”_  
  
 _“I want to be by myself…”_  
  
 _“Please! I don’t want your help or anyone’s!”_  
  
 _“…everything’s different. We can never go back…”_  
  
 _“...every time I hear you speak or you touch me it just all comes back in this flood…”_  
  
 _“You can’t do this for me Luke!”_  
  
***   
  
_“No, no, no!” Luke wept. “Please tell me no! Not this!”_ _His hand came up to his mouth. He looked around for a moment completely lost, searching for answers he knew he’d never find there. Another anguished cry from Noah sent him hurtling for the room._  
  
 _His horrified eyes fell on the blood-soaked sheets of the bed, but Noah wasn’t in it. Noah was on the floor in the corner, hugging his knees up against himself, sobbing and gasping in sheer disbelief and terror. He was extremely pale; his head had been temporarily bandaged by the paramedics... blood soaked the gauze clean through. It matted his hair and dripped down his face and neck._  
  
 _The nurses kept calling his name, trying to get through to him, but as soon as one got near Noah would shake her off. His weeping blue eyes were wide and blank and sightless._  
  
 _“Noah!” Luke yelled in a strangled cry. He crossed the room in just three long strides; dropped beside him. He reached out instinctively to comfort him._  
  
 _“Don't touch me!” Noah screamed in panicked anger as he shoved, violently throwing Luke backward into a nearby stool, which crashed to the floor with a loud bang._  
  
 _Noah froze, sensing Luke there... realizing suddenly it was Luke he’d pushed away. He shook his head from side-to-side, crying out in devastation. Tears poured and he turned away from them all, pressing his head up to the wall. He hugged his knees tighter, wrapped himself into a shivering ball. It wasn’t that he had calmed, but rather that he had deflated, exhausted and weak from loss of blood. He didn’t move as a nurse quickly administered a shot to his arm, eventually rendering him unconscious._  
  
 _“Noah…” Luke whispered from a hitching breath. Still prone on the floor he reached out to touch Noah’s hand; continued to touch it, right up to the point they lifted Noah onto a gurney and took him away._  
  
 _Left alone in the room, Luke crawled up against the cold wall, crying noisy sobs into his fists as he survey the blood-stained bed, floor and wall. He wondered at how life could choose to be so completely merciless. He didn’t notice Casey slide down the wall next to him until his friend's arm came around him, encouraging him to rest his head on the comforting shoulder offered._  
  
 _It was then that the anger began building..._  
  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

“She’s got _such_ a beautiful smile,” Noah said softly, almost to himself... wringing his hands together above the coarse hospital blanket.  
  
Luke had just re-entered the room after seeing the doctor out; telling Casey and his parents not to wait around. They left after he promised to send them regular updates. “What’s that?” he asked, trying to sound relaxed, even though he wasn’t. He settled himself back on the visitor stool; stroked Noah’s arm to let him know where he was.  
  
“Mia…”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“God,” Noah shook his head; a tear dropped from the corner of his eye. “I wanted to see your face when she smiled at you like that… I really wanted to see it...”  
  
“Noah…”  
  
“And Nicky? And his drawings? And… and you? My movie? Fuck!” Both his hands flew up to grip his head.  
  
There was a long, silent and pained pause in which Luke could do nothing... say nothing... but sit and watch him sadly. Finally Luke had to try something, so he took Noah’s hand in his. “Noah, the doctor said…”  
  
“…the doctor said it may well be temporary,” Noah interrupted bitterly, before Luke could continue. “Isn’t that just the standard response?”  
  
“Noah…”  
  
“Isn’t that what they said the last time?”  
  
Luke could understand his frustration and especially his fear. “Baby, until the swelling comes down we still have some hope, okay?”  
  
Noah nodded, but Luke felt the nod was more for his sake than that Noah actually agreed with him.  
  
“Luke…?” Noah said in a small voice, squeezing his eyes together. When he opened them again, Luke could tell Noah was struggling with some major internal battle to say whatever it was that he needed to.  
  
Luke hated it; the sudden feeling of distance between them... that loss of vital eye contact where so much of their communication took place. It had once brought their relationship to it's knees. Luke tried to ignore the shuddering ache in his chest.   
  
“If this is permanent…” Noah eventually managed to start.  
  
“Please don’t…” Without the eye contact, it was his tone Luke instantly picked up on and he cut Noah short.  
  
“I’m not going tell you to leave me,” Noah said quickly. “I said I’d never hurt you like that again and I meant it.” Luke sighed in relief, but it was short lived. “But there’s no miracle doctor this time, Luke. There is no Reid. So I’m not going to tell you to leave, but… but if this is permanent… then I am gonna ask you to.”  
  
Luke felt his stomach clench; he held tighter to Noah’s hand, shaking his head. “No!”  
  
“Please, Luke!”  
  
“No!” Luke's voice was so stern that Noah actually jolted. 

He closed his unseeing eyes briefly... continually shaking his head... knowing Luke well enough not to try arguing. But he did whisper, “I don't want this for you…”  
  
“I know you don’t, but you feel this?” Luke placed Noah’s fingers over the ring on his hand; watched as Noah bit down on his lip. “Bound together by this… forever… no matter what… in sickness and in health. You got that?”  
  
Noah didn’t reply, just hitched a breath.  
  
“Okay?” Luke demanded.  
  
“Okay…” it was a tiny whisper, almost outside the realm of hearing.  
  
“Besides,” Luke continued, “it’s my choice to make... like you said. And it’s a pretty easy one at that…”  
  
***   
  
_“Okay everybody! Attention please!”_  
  
 _The talking and laughing continued._  
  
 _“Listen to Dad!” he yelled again._  
  
 _Finally he stuck two fingers in his hand and wolf-whistled loudly, the way he usually did to call the horses in. Those at the same table as him, including Luke and Noah, grimaced at the sound; held their hands up to their ears laughing._  
  
 _The crowd began to quiet._  
  
 _“I’d just like to say a few words and then everybody can go back to being all raucous.”_  
  
 _Dessert was almost over and people were ready to get up and start the dancing; so it took some time for Holden to get the quiet he asked for. But he didn’t mind. He stood there at the table, smiling that soft smile; just taking in the sight of his family and their friends enjoying themselves as the Californian sun slowly started to set in a fiery red and orange sky. The fairy lights surrounding the dance floor came on like so many tiny fireflies._  
  
 _Eventually Holden had their attention. "_ _Luke," he began, "I’m just amazed! I can’t even believe I’m standing here right now!”_  
  
 _Luke smiled shyly at him and Noah watched him adoringly._  
  
 _“One minute you were this tiny little blonde terror running around, climbing trees… falling out of trees... getting stuck up trees!” Holden raised eyebrows at him._  
  
 _Luke laughed and so did a few other Snyders. Noah thought there must be a story there he’d not heard before. He made a mental note to ask Luke about it later._  
  
 _“One minute you were playing with those small plastic horses... Do you remember them?”_  
  
 _Luke nodded._  
  
 _“And the next you were riding a real stallion way better than me! One minute you were driving toy dinky cars through little tunnels dug in sand, and the next minute I was teaching you how to drive my truck.”_ _Lily reached up to take Holden’s hand as she sensed him getting emotional._ _“And Luke, my son, every single memory I have of you is sweet and never forgotten._ _You’ve come so far, and I’m proud of the fine and caring man you are. And I’m proud of the way you face challenges in life.”_  
  
 _“Thanks, Dad.”_  
  
 _“But I tell you! It doesn’t matter how old you get, I will always see that stubborn little kid in there!”_  
  
 _Luke laughed again. “And you’ll always tell him off! I know!”_  
  
 _Again the crowd of onlookers laughed._  
  
 _“And I’m so happy to be here, watching you marry the man that you love. The person we have all come to love... as a brother, a nephew, a friend and for me and for Lily… a son.”_ _He looked to Noah then, and Noah thought his heart might stop when he recognized the love in his father-in-law’s face. "_ _Noah, we are so blessed to know you, son. You never cease to amaze us with your courage, your strength, your honesty and your fortitude. And I couldn’t be happier to see you marry Luke, because with you I know he’s loved. And you make him so darn happy! I mean… would you just look at him? He glows when you’re around!”_  
  
 _“Here, here!” came a shout from one of the other tables, and a few people giggled as Noah blushed._  
  
 _Holden seemed to get serious then. “Now, two days ago you called me and asked me a question, do you remember?”_ _Noah’s eyes widened and he nodded nervously._ _“And I didn’t really give you an answer, did I?”_ _Noah shook his head slowly... half smiling... eyes welling up._ _“And I hope you don’t think that it’s because I didn’t like the idea. It’s just that your question touched me so deeply I had to cut you off to recover. Because as I’m sure you’ve come to know, I’m not really one for public displays of emotion… I guess we have that in common.”_ _Lily smiled at her husband._ _“So son, I was wondering whether you’d like to ask me that question again, in front of Luke and the family?”_  
  
 _Noah felt completely taken aback. He locked eyes with Luke, who returned his gaze quizzically. He hadn’t foreseen this at all; was shaking as he stood up, reaching out to take Luke’s hand for courage._ _“Holden,” he began, his voice laced in nerves, “when I marry Luke,” he smiled looking down at those deep brown eyes, “now that I_ am _married to Luke,” he laughed slightly, then faced Holden once more to finish his question, “do I have your permission to change my name to Snyder?”_  
  
 _There was a collective gasp from all._  
  
********************  
  
“Mr. Mayer? Excuse me, sir?”  
  
He didn’t want to wake up dammit! He didn’t want to leave those memories behind!  
  
“I’m sorry to wake you sir, but it’s time for your bath?”  
  
“No…”  
  
It hit him. Just as it always did the moment he opened his eyes from that beautiful dreaming to nothing but darkness. The depression was on the verge of drowning him when…  
  
“Mr. Mayer?”  
  
“It’s Snyder,” he replied without thinking; was jolted by it. It was a reflex... natural and unconscious. It surprised him.  
  
“I’m sorry, sir?”  
  
“My name... it’s Noah Snyder. I’m changing it.”  
  
He felt something move deep within him. It was warm and safe and constant, and he felt a smile come to the corner of his lips.  
  
“I see, well… Mr. Snyder...?”  
  
“But you can call me Noah…” the smile grew bigger.  
  
He heard her laugh. “Okay then, Noah. My name is Sarah. Now that we’ve settled all that, do you need help with your bath?”  
  
“Um... If you can just show me around the room, I can do it.”  
  
“Of course. Let me help you up.”  
  
***  
  
Luke hadn’t wanted to leave Noah at all, but eventually he had to admit he was exhausted. They both knew they’d been away from the kids for far too long, especially Nicholas who could still get extremely anxious without at least one of them nearby.  
  
The house was dark and quiet when he entered. He found Casey and Alison, Maddie and Jonathan, fast asleep on separate mattresses on the living room floor. He knew his parents were back at the hotel with Natalie, Faith and Ethan. He sent up a silent prayer of thanks for their amazing friends.  
  
Mia and Nicholas were curled up together... top to tail.. on the couch. Mia gripped a stuffed yellow rabbit. Her pink shirt had ridden up to under her arms, so Luke gently pulled it back down; drew the sheet up around her. Nicholas had his thumb stuck in its usual position in his mouth. He slept curled on his side; dark hair all ruffled and spiky, just like Noah’s tended to be in sleep. He looked contented and that was the main thing. Luke smoothed his cheek; kissed him gently before quietly tiptoeing toward the hallway.  
  
He was just wondering whether he could risk a shower without waking them, when he felt a chilled wind blowing at his hair; noticed that the sliding doors were open a crack. Sitting outside on the top step of the decking, his legs drawn up close to his chest, was a solitary shadow. Luke felt the sudden need to chastise himself. He had been so concerned and focused on Noah, he had completely forgotten about poor Josh, and the personal hell he was going through.  
  
“Hey…” Luke said as he stepped outside.  
  
Josh jumped about a mile into the air at the sound of his voice, turning to Luke; immediately searching for an escape. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! They said you wouldn’t be back tonight… I’ll go...!”  
  
Josh made a move toward the door. Luke just put a finger to his lips, indicating he should keep it down, and gently slid the glass closed.  
  
“Go where?” he asked.  
  
The kid looked terrified; hung his head; stared at the floor as though he wished it would open up and swallow him whole.  
  
“Josh,” Luke waited until the boy lifted his eyes to meet his, “where are you going?”  
  
“I shouldn’t have come here! If I hadn’t come then…”  
  
“Then what?”  
  
“Noah…”  
  
Luke sighed; took a seat on the wooden step. He patted the space next to him. “Sit down.” He did, but not as close as Luke had indicated. “Do you know what I think, Josh?” The boy shook his head. “I think that regardless of whether you came here or not, at some point we would have found out, and Noah would still have gone to see your dad.”  
  
Josh frowned at him.  
  
“It’s just the way he is.” Luke looked out over the yard at the quarter moon, peaceful and still in the breezy air. Finally he said, “You can stay here as long as you want, okay?”  
  
Josh nodded in amazement as Luke stood to leave.  
  
As he opened the door he whispered, “It’s not your fault. I don’t blame you and neither does he.”  
  
***  
  
“Luke! Luke!” Small hands were digging into his ribs.  
  
He opened one eye to find Nicholas grinning and cocking his head at him.  
  
“Sorry...” He turned his head toward Maddie, who stood in his doorway shaking her head. “I tried to keep it from them for as long as I could."  
  
Luke smiled at her to let her know it was okay; sat up on this elbows. He peered down the bed to catch the green glint of Mia’s eyes. She stood there looking extremely unsure and worried.  
  
“Hello, Mia. Why don’t you get up on the bed like Nicholas?”  
  
She shook her head.  
  
“No? Okay then.”  
  
He plopped his head back on the pillow; grabbed Nicholas in a hug. “Come here you!”

The child screamed in delight. “Are you back forever, Luke?”  
  
“Yes, baby.”  
  
“Yay!” He bounced on his knees.  
  
Luke watched Mia as she quietly padded over to the bathroom; pushed the door open searching inside... looking for Noah.  
  
“Where’s Noah, Luke?” Nicholas asked.  
  
“He’s coming home soon, baby…”  
  
“Is he in the jail now?” Luke almost laughed at that, marveling at how much better Nicholas made him feel.  
  
“No, he’s not.”  
  
“Alison made breakfast when you’re ready,” Maddie said.  
  
“Thanks, I’ll be there in a minute.”  
  
She nodded at him with a small smile.  
  
Just after Maddie left he heard a small sob; almost wept himself at the sight of little Mia hanging her head; crying her little heart out. He realized how scared she was. It was Noah she had bonded with since the children’s home, and she had only a vague awareness of the part Luke would play in her life. He climbed out of the bed and walked over to her, squatting down to her level; lifting her chin up. He smiled at her, kissed the top of her head and hugged her into him. At first she was limp, but after a minute she lifted her hands up and allowed him to comfort her.  
  
“I want Noah,” she sniffed.  
  
“I know you do, sweetie. And Noah really wants to be here too… And he will be soon, okay? Everything’s going to be fine, I promise.”  
  
Once she was calmer he sent the kids to the kitchen in search of food while he changed. A few minutes later he found everyone gathered around the table. Alison had laid on a feast of eggs and bacon and toast... even waffles.  
  
“Wow,” Luke exclaimed. “Alison, I never knew you could cook like this!”  
  
“Yeah well, you learn pretty quick when you’re trying to save money on the road. And one of us had to! This one can’t tell the difference between a knife and a spoon!”  
  
Luke smiled. “Well, even if he can’t cook it, I know from past experience he definitely knows how to eat!”  
  
“Hey!” Casey complained good naturedly and everyone laughed at him.  
  
“Josh awake?” Luke asked them.  
  
“Not yet, but I think he’s had trouble sleeping, poor kid. How are you doing, Luke?” Alison walked over to him; gave him a quick hug.  
  
“It’s not really me with the problem now is it?”  
  
“No… I can’t believe it! I can’t even imagine what is must be like for him… for both of you…”  
  
There was a silence while they all contemplated the situation, and then Maddie broke that by pulling up a chair and steering Luke to sit down. “Come on! Eat up! You’re no use to him weak from hunger!”  
  
There was another silence, this one a little uncomfortable.  
  
“So,” Luke exclaimed, “Casey and Alison? What the hell happened? I was surprised to get that postcard from France! I thought you two were off to college?"  
  
“Oh yeah that…” sniggered Casey. “Well, we registered for classes… Gwen and Will even put us up and everything!”  
  
“They were sorry they couldn’t make the wedding,” Alison quickly chimed in, “Gwen’s about ready to pop that new baby!”  
  
“Anyway…” Casey snatched back the attention playfully, “we entered this on-campus competition where we had to squeeze as many people as possible into a car…”  
  
“…it’s _amazing_ how many you can get in there!” Alison cut in again and everyone laughed.  
  
“So, we won! Alison and me! And the prize was this trip to Spain! It was only two weeks so we decided to jet… you know? I mean how many chances do you get to do something like that in life?”  
  
“Oh, my God, guys! It was incredible!” Alison exclaimed. “We just fell in love with travel. And then we thought, hey… we’re still young, one year wouldn’t hurt! So we just never came back! We just kept going! Until a few weeks ago, of course!”  
  
Luke smiled at them. “So you’re planning to start college this year then?”  
  
“Yep!” Casey agreed as he bit down on a slice of toast. "We did plan on doing Africa, but now that we're back we've realized how much we missed the States."

“That’s so romantic,” said Maddie dreamily, even though she’d already heard the story the night before.  
  
They sat together and ate for a while, deliberately skirting the subject of Noah; trying to keep things as cheerful as possible. Luke was grateful for their effort, but he found it difficult to eat, and even more to lift his spirits. He ended up staring at his plate, cutting his egg into a million pieces.  
  
“The idea is to actually _eat_ the food, Luke.” Jonathan joked.  
  
Just then Luke's phone rang and Alison handed it to him as she walked around serving up orange juice.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
“Hello Luke, it's Detective Mullins here.”  
  
Luke scowled. “If you’re phoning to apologies for letting Carmody go, you’re too late!” Luke felt Casey's comforting hand come to lay on his shoulder.  
  
“Luke, I understand how you feel about that. I really do. But the man admitted to what he did. He’s prepared to face the consequences and he’s remorseful. We have no reason or time to hold somebody like that. He’s not a flight risk.”  
  
“Not a flight risk? He’s gone, Detective! He drove off that very night!”  
  
“He’s right here.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“He’s just turned himself back in at the station. He said he fled because he was scared of what you would do. He said you were very angry.”  
  
Luke laughed bitterly. “Angry? Darn right I was angry!”  
  
“He’s asking to see you.”  
  
Luke wasn’t expecting that and didn’t know what to say.  
  
“He _does_ want to speak with you Luke, but he wants me to be there.”  
  
Luke shook his head.

 _The coward!_  
  
“Luke? You still there?”  
  
“Yes, I’ll be there in and hour…”  
  
As Luke hung up he heard a tentative but determined voice behind him say, “I’m going with you.” Josh stood in the doorway; eyes burning with feeling.  
  
***  
  
“Well now,” John exclaimed with a wide smile, watching as Lucinda swept across the floor of the Lakeview dining room toward him, “don’t you just brighten the room with your very presence?”  
  
“Says a fine and dashing figure of a man such as yourself!” she replied, dropping her shawl; waiting while he kissed her cheek. She sat elegantly on the chair he held out for her.  
  
“I’m so pleased you had the time for lunch today, my sweet... I’m sure you said you were going to slow down on the whole working thing!”  
  
Lucinda smiled. “Well, you obviously don’t know me as well as you think then… This _is_ me slowed down.”  
  
They both laughed.  
  
The waitress interrupted them to hand Lucinda a menu and then John asked gravely, “Any news on Noah?”  
  
“Yes. It’s true, I’m afraid.”  
  
“Oh lord, that really is too bad…”  
  
“As if those two boys haven’t been through enough already! And right after the wedding like this! And of course as you know, we’ve lost young Dr. Oliver. I just wish there was something…” her sentence fell away as her vision settled on someone.  
  
“Lu?”  
  
But Lucinda was far away, remembering a gala event where she had been introduced to the man seated at a table not far from her. The man was a surgeon at Oakdale Memorial. At the time she remembered him expressing his delight at the amazing opportunity he’d been given to observe and learn from the operations conducted by the renowned, Dr. Reid Oliver. Dr. Oliver was a man who absolutely never had the time or patience to pass on his skills; and certainly had never before allowed himself to be observed by anyone who wasn’t his superior. 

At the time, Lucinda had no idea Luke was the reason for Dr. Oliver's sudden softening.   
  
“John!” she exclaimed with excitement.  
  
“Yes darling?”  
  
“I think I may have found salvation!” 


	5. Chapter 5

“Hello, Luke.” Noah sounded tired, but upbeat Luke thought.  
  
“Hey, bubby.”  
  
“Hi. I thought you’d be here by now.”  
  
“I know... sorry. There’s something I have to do first. It shouldn’t take long and I’ll be there right after, okay?”  
  
“Okay. Um… Luke?”  
  
“Yeah?”

There was a pause as Luke waited for him to find his voice.  
  
“I missed you last night and… I wanted to say… I’m sorry.”  
  
“For what?”  
  
“Yesterday… what I said? I won’t hold it against you if one day it’s all too much and you _want_ to leave…”  
  
“I’ll never leave you…”  
  
“…but I don’t want you too. I never wanted you too. I need you. I’m sorry I said it.”  
  
“Oh, Noah…” He wished he could reach through the phone and hold the man to him.  
  
“I love you and… as long as you _want_ to love me back… I’m going to let you.”  
  
“You know, I feel like a ten ton weight has just been lifted off me?”  
  
“I’m sorry. I didn't mean to take you down that path again. It’s just because I want the best for you… you know?”  
  
“Don’t be sorry. Just… thank you…” He was so chocked up with raw emotion he barely got the last two words out.  
  
“Okay well, you’ll be here later?” There was hope in that voice. There was hope!  
  
“You bet!”  
  
Luke closed his phone; stood before the police station door... taking a moment to recover. He let out a shot of breath and smiled through his tears. Finally Noah got it! Noah finally understood!  
  
“Luke, you okay?” Josh asked, nervously fidgeting beside him.  
  
“Yeah. Yeah I’m good. Are you ready for this?”  
  
“Not really, but I think I need to do it.”  
  
Luke nodded at him with a comforting smile. “You can go first… or do you want me to come with you?”  
  
“No, I can manage. Thanks, Luke. And I mean for everything... I’m just so sorry. I can’t believe what he’s done, you know? I mean my dad’s a good guy! He’s never…”  
  
“Josh, I want you to stop apologizing to me, okay? You are not your father! You are not responsible for his choices or his actions! Do you understand me?” his voice was firm.  
  
Josh nodded tearing slightly.  
  
They entered the police station and a couple of officers recognized Luke. They immediately stepped forward in case of an incident. Detective Mullins was waiting for them; indicated they should stand down. “Hello Luke, and you must be Josh?”  
  
The boy nodded.  
  
“I’ll need a statement from you, Josh… if you think you can manage it today.”  
  
“Anything,” Josh stated seriously.  
  
“Where is he?” Luke asked, anxious to get the visit over with so he could get back to Noah.  
  
“Now Luke, if you don’t keep your temper at bay in there I’ll pull you out. Got that?”  
  
“I’m not going in first anyway. Josh wants to see his dad.”  
  
“Okay, well then Luke, you wait here… Josh, follow me.”  
  
Luke nodded encouragingly at Josh as he followed behind the detective, shuffling his feet and staring at the floor. Suddenly he appeared to be a lot less determined than he had that morning. They reached the interview room, and the detective was about to open it when Josh stopped; looked back at Luke.  
  
“What is it, Josh?”

The boy shook on one leg for a minute. “Will you… Can you come in with me?”  
  
Luke smiled. “Sure.”  
  
“If you’re going in, I’m going in…” The detective warned.  
  
“You okay with that, Josh?” Luke asked him.  
  
“Yeah,” he muttered.  
  
“Right, let’s do this then.”  
  
***   
  
Luke raced into Noah’s room; almost searched every square foot of it... even under the bed... before sanity set in and he stopped to take a breath.

 _Where is he?_  
  
There were numerous missed calls from the hospital and various family members when he and Josh left the police station. When Luke called, the nurse said Noah had been rushed into surgery. That was all he heard before he was running for a cab, Josh hot on his heels.  
  
“Nurse?” he yelled, exiting the room past a shocked Josh. “Somebody?”  
  
 _Where are they all?_

The place seemed devoid of hospital staff.  
  
“Luke?”   
  
He turned; eyes widening at the sight of Lucinda and John coming down the hall toward him. “Grandmother?”  
  
“We tried to phone you Luke. I am so sorry.”  
  
“Sorry?” his heart stopped beating and he shook his head. “No…”  
  
“Oh, darling,” Lucinda cut in, grabbing his shoulders, suddenly realizing what he thought she meant. “Noah’s fine, sweetheart!”  
  
“Oh…” It was a breath and he keeled over for a minute before standing upright again. “Do you mind not doing that to me? I don’t think my heart can take much more!”  
  
“I apologize, dear.”  
  
“Where is he then? What are you guys doing in LA?”  
  
“Well,” said John, “it’s a good thing your grandmother is a resourceful woman, Luke! It seems we were just in the nick of time!”  
  
“Just in time for what? Would somebody please explain to me why Noah’s back in surgery?”  
  
“We tried to get hold of you Luke, but your phone kept going to voicemail.”  
  
“I know! Damn! I was at the police station talking to Miles Carmody.”  
  
They stared at him blankly, but then decided not to question how that went under the circumstances.  
  
“Come to the waiting room, and I’ll explain everything to you,” Lucinda said, gently leading Luke by his shoulders.  
  
Josh followed silently.  
  
“John was treating me to lunch at the Lakeview late yesterday afternoon, and I ran into a doctor I met more than a year ago. At that time he was Chief of Neurology at Oakdale Memorial, and I remembered we had a short discussion regarding Dr. Oliver.”  
  
“On Reid?”  
  
“Yes. I told him how you were the one to bring Dr. Oliver to Oakdale and that he was looking into curing Noah of his blindness. Anyway, he thanked me for my wonderful grandson,” she smiled at Luke proudly, “and told me that he was being permitted to sit in on Dr. Oliver’s operations.”  
  
Luke’s eyes widened as he realized where she was going. “Did he sit in on Noah’s operation?”  
  
“Yes sweetheart, he did! Noah’s and other patients' too… and he learned a lot! The moment he heard what had happened, he told me we only had a short period of time to help Noah.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Apparently he needs to work with the swelling, and if we had waited for the swelling to come down it may have been too late.”  
  
“So you brought him here?”  
  
“Yes, of course I did. He’s in the theater with Noah as we speak.”  
  
“And… and… can he help?” The question was extremely tentative.  
  
“He thinks so. He seems sure.”  
  
“Oh, my God! I’m almost too scared to get my hopes up.”  
  
She hugged him.  
  
“Thank you! Thank you so much Grandmother!”  
  
As they waited for news on Noah, Luke’s eyes fell on Josh, seated quietly in the corner. He felt sure the boy was contemplating the state of his life. The meeting with his father had been interesting to say the least, and Luke wasn’t really sure what to make of it.  
  
 _***_  
  
 _Miles was obviously shocked as his son walked in, accompanied by Luke and Detective Mullins._  
  
 _“Josh?” he whispered._  
  
 _“What have you done, Dad?”_  
  
 _His father looked away from him; back at Mullins. “This wasn’t part of the deal! I said I would speak to_ that _!” he nodded toward, but didn’t look at Luke. “That was the agreement!”_  
  
 _“My name is Luke. Mr. Snyder to you.”_  
  
 _T_ _he man glared at him, and Luke could see the hatred there as Miles fought to keep it at bay._  
  
 _For his part, Luke was fighting his own battle as he held that gaze. He couldn’t help the feeling of déjà vu; like he’d been in this situation before. There were so many things he wanted to say to this man, so many questions he had, but he didn’t want to take this moment away from Josh. It was Josh's right! He had earned it! "_ _Josh asked me whether he could come with and I said he could.”_  
  
 _“Why did you do this, Dad?”_  
  
 _It seemed his father couldn't look at him, instead he stared at his hands as they lay interlocked on the table before him. He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry I did it. In that moment I wanted to hurt him…”_  
  
 _Luke clenched his fists together but he remained silent._  
  
 _“…but I never meant to blind him… I… I was drunk and angry…”_  
  
 _“He was walking away!” Josh reminded him._  
  
 _“I know,” he shook his head. “I just had all these images in my head of you and him and…”_  
  
 _“What?” Luke exclaimed, not able to keep quiet at that._  
  
 _The man glared that hatred back at him. “Well, we all know what you sickos get up to, don’t we?"_  
  
 _Luke made a move toward him but Detective Mullins was quick to pull him back. “Luke, I’m warning you! Keep your cool or you’re out of here!”_

 _Luke’s breathing was hard and heavy but he nodded and stood firm._ _“You see this?” Luke asked, holding up his hand to show the man his wedding ring; ignored the way the man scoffed at him. Fighting to keep the shudder out of this voice he continued, “This means love and commitment and it’s the same as any other union in this world! How dare you? How dare you sit there after what_ you _did and pass judgment on us? You almost killed him! And now he’s blind! Possibly for the rest of his life!”_  
  
 _The man shrank back some. “Yeah, well I am sorry for that, okay? I wouldn’t wish that on anyone!”_  
  
 _“He’s been blind before, Dad,” Josh whispered._  
  
 _“What?” The man’s eyebrows rose._  
  
 _“Noah. He was blind before and he got his eyesight back! And you’ve taken that away from him! I’ve looked up to you my whole life, Dad! I’ve listened to you and I’ve admired you and now you do_ this _?”_  
  
 _Luke was surprised when the man actually started crying at the words from his son._  
  
 _“Can you even imagine that, Dad? To be blinded a second time? And… and he was only trying to help me! He was trying to help_ us _, Dad!” Josh sniffed and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. “He doesn’t even know us! He didn’t owe us anything and he_ still _tried to help!”_  
  
 _His father shook his head. “There is no excuse. I’m ashamed for what I did. I shouldn’t have done it and I’ll take my punishment for that. But… but that doesn’t change anything for me. I can’t accept this life you're choosing! It’s disgusting and immoral! it’s_ wrong _! If you want back into this family you have to start behaving right!”_  
  
 _“Oh like_ you _, Dad? Forget it! You’re asking me to deny who I am, just so that you don’t have to feel embarrassed at the country club!”_  
  
 _“You will_ not _talk to me that way! You hear me? I am still your father!”_  
  
 _“Are you? Are you really_ my _father? Or does that only apply to the non-existent straight version of me? The perfect kid you’ve made up in your head?”_  
  
 _“Josh, you’re just a kid and you’re at the age when people start having all these strange feelings and…”_  
  
 _“Stop! Stop trying to make out like this is some kind of phase with me! Nobody put these ideas into my head! I_ know _who I am! I’m Josh Carmody. I like swimming and surfing and tennis, and I’m good at school... and I’m gay. And you can’t change that!”_  
  
 _“Now you look! It’s time that you learned some respect and started to behave like a man!”_  
  
 _“Oh I have respect, Dad. Only it’s not for you! It’s for Luke and for Noah. Because when I needed a father, it wasn’t you who stepped up, it was them! And they’ve had their lives messed up because of it!” He took a deep and chocked breath. “I love you, Dad. I do. But from this moment on you are no longer my father. My father’s dead.”_ _With that Josh turned and left the room._  
  
 _Miles stood; made to go after him but Detective Mullins blocked his path... shook his head._  
  
 _“This is all your fault,” the man spat at Luke, “you lost me my son!”_  
  
 _Luke felt suddenly sorry for the sad man before him. A man losing his son all for the sake of some misguided idea._  
  
 _“You didn’t need my help for that Mr. Carmody, you did a fine job all by yourself. I hope you realize that one day. For your sake as well as for his, I really hope you do. And until then, as long as he doesn’t have a home with you, he’ll always have one with us.”_  
  
 _Even though on first entering the room he had so much to say, Luke felt suddenly deflated. What was the point? It wouldn’t change anything. He sighed and followed Josh out of the room._  
  
***   
  
When Noah opened his eyes it was dark. He was slowly getting used that again; no longer waking up in a blind panic before remembering. But that didn’t mean he was okay with it! Far from it! He wanted to cry and scream and throw things and hit someone... just like the last time. Because it was that same anger and frustration boiling inside him…  
  
 _But, Luke…_  
  
Luke and how he felt about Luke was different this time. It was Luke’s right to love him the way he chose to. It wasn’t Noah’s right to take that away from him. And he understood that this time. Despite not wanting Luke to have to care for him for the rest of his life, what he wanted didn’t matter. If he loved Luke, he had to allow Luke to love him. Anything else would hurt Luke, and Noah would never hurt Luke like that again.  
  
And there was an enormous comfort in that, and it was this comfort that was keeping the anger at bay. It was giving him hope and making him feel secure, even with a shaky future. He was thinking about this, then remembered Lucinda and Dr. Coleson; who came all the way from Oakdale to help him by using Reid’s methods. And he felt a sudden stab of disappointment, because he was awake and it was still black…

_Only…_

He moved his head slightly and noticed a haze... a faint wobbling of lines within the darkness... that weren’t there before. Not light so much as a form or a shape.  
  
He patted the bed beside him looking for the call button, but instead he found the warmth of a hand. Feeling up that arm he found the hair, that texture he knew so well. “Luke?” he spoke but it came out as a dry and raspy whisper, and he realized how thirsty he was. “Water…” He also realized that he didn’t have much energy in that exploring hand. He patted the cheek he found softly; felt Luke stir beneath his fingers. “Luke…?”  
  
“Noah!” he shouted the name, and Noah heard the man's body shoot upward.  
  
“Water, please…”  
  
“Oh yes! Sorry babe… I fell asleep. Here you go.” He felt Luke’s hand lift the back of his head; the straw tickle his lips. He drank thirstily; groaned as Luke took it way. “Just a little bit. Doctor’s orders!”  
  
“Damn doctors! Think they know… everything!”  
  
Luke laughed and it filled his soul. “How you feeling, bubby?”  
  
“Wonderful!” he felt instantly bad for the sarcasm. He made a note to try and stop using Luke as a battering ram.  
  
“Still dark?”  
  
Noah frowned, not sure whether to mention the lines. He didn’t want to get Luke’s hopes up. He still wasn’t sure they were actually there. “Yeah…sorry… I didn’t mean too be all…”  
  
“It’s okay. It's understandable.”  
  
He searched out Luke’s hand with his own, and Luke helped by grabbing his.  
  
“I’m glad you’re here,” Noah whispered sleepily.  
  
“Me too.” 


	6. Chapter 6

“Your eyes are bwoken Noah?”  
  
He felt the small hands gently run down his forehead; feather his eyelids. He shifted back into the couch to give Nicholas more room.  
  
“Yeah baby, they are.”  
  
“Why?” Mia asked from the other side of him, sitting in the crook of his arm; gripping his forefinger with her hand.  
  
“I hurt my head and now I can’t see baby.” He kept his breathing slow and even in an attempt to keep his emotions at bay. He didn’t want them to be afraid for him. He didn’t want them to see how scared _he_ was.  
  
“What’s it mean?” Nicholas asked, confused.  
  
“Well,” said Noah, “close your eyes.”  
  
There was a silence.  
  
“Are they closed?” Noah asked, received an “Aha” from Nicholas and a “Yes” from Mia. “What do you see?”  
  
“Nothing,” Nicholas said.  
  
“It’s dark,” agreed Mia.  
  
“Well that’s what it means. That’s all I see even when my eyes are open.”  
  
He heard the little gasps from both of them.  
  
“All the time?” whispered little Mia. Noah could hear the fearfulness in her voice.  
  
“Yes, baby.”  
  
“But… but how do you eat and get dressed and stuff?” Nicholas asked.  
  
“I have to learn to do all that stuff without my eyes, Nicky.”  
  
“But _how_ can you?”  
  
“Well maybe you guys can help me?”  
  
“I will!” offered Mia.  
  
“Thank you, sweetheart.” He kissed the top of her head.  
  
“But… but when can you see again?” asked Nicholas, worriedly.  
  
“We don’t know. We have to wait to see if the doctor has fixed me or not.”  
  
“And then you can see?”  
  
“We hope so, baby.” His voice cracked. He would give anything to see their faces. The sudden thought that he might never see them again, hit him like a ten ton truck.

Luckily Luke sensed his sudden mood and moved in to rescue him. “Come on you two… Let’s give Noah some rest, okay?”  
  
“Nooooo!” Nicholas moaned, not wanting to leave Noah’s side.  
  
“If we want Noah to be fixed, then we must let him sleep, okay? Besides its lunch time… and I made lasagna!”  
  
“Yum!”

If they ever needed Nicholas’s attention they just needed to mention food. It worked every time! The child jumped down from the coach; headed straight for the kitchen, Mia on his heels.  
  
“Thanks,” Noah whispered; allowed the tears to fall. Luke leaned over the back of the couch to squeeze him from behind, kissing his cheek.  
  
“Luke! Lunch!” Nicholas demanded from the kitchen.  
  
They both laughed. Luke kissed him once more before leaving to feed the children.  
  
***  
  
“Luke?”  
  
The bedroom was rich in smells of all kinds; sweet and spicy... aromatic... perfumed. Noah could also make out a few essential oils; lavender, rose, cinnamon, sandalwood and saffron.  
  
Noah frowned in confusion. Before his shower Luke asked him if he needed help, and he declined. In fact he was amazed at how many things he could still do without his sight. It seemed to come back to him naturally, scaring him a little, but at the same time helping him too. At least he didn’t have to feel like he was totally reliant on Luke for everything. So whenever Noah thought he could manage alone he would, hoping to give Luke a break; time when he could watch TV, work on his book or play with the kids.  
  
Maddie and Jonathan had returned home to Bruce; and Holden and Lily were forced to take the kids back to Oakdale for school, so Noah was grateful that Casey and Alison had agreed to hang around. He wasn’t sure how they would have coped alone with two young children and a teenager. The process of dealing with all the emotions that came with adapting to his blindness, was a painful one in itself.  
  
He’d left the bathroom expecting to find the room empty, but instead he immediately sensed Luke there.  
  
“Luke?” he asked again, adjusting the towel around his waist so it hung a little tighter.  
  
He was confused when Luke didn’t responded.  
  
“What’s going on?”  
  
He became very aware of the other body standing inches from his. He could hear Luke's breathing; feel his breath reach his cheek.  
  
“I thought I’d give you a sensory experience,” Luke whispered.  
  
Noah smiled. “Did you order in an entire Asian spice market?”  
  
Luke snorted, and Noah could hear him struggling to hold back his laughter. “Not the _whole_ market… maybe just one or two things…”  
  
“Aha... And what does this experience entail?”  
  
“Well, first you need to open your mouth.”  
  
Noah frowned in suspicion. “What for?”  
  
“Don’t you trust me?”  
  
Noah cleared his throat in jest.  
  
“Ah, come on! Humor me…”  
  
“Where’s everyone else?”  
  
“Josh is at school, Alison has taken Nicholas to the beach and Casey has taken Mia to visit with Kevin.”  
  
“Oh, right. It’s Thursday.”  
  
“Yep… Now do as you’re told and open your mouth…”  
  
Noah did; felt a freezing cold spoon enter through his lips. He closed them over an icy ball of strawberry ice-cream... his favorite.  
  
“Yum,” he said, with the beginnings of a smile.  
  
“You see! Not bad, right?”  
  
Noah drew breath as Luke’s hand stroked down his right arm. He sensed Luke move away... to a corner of the room. He heard Luke rooting around. “Luke?”  
  
“Just stay right there…”  
  
He heard the click of the play button; the sounds of a rain forest coming on... all waterfalls and birds and wind in the leaves... very peaceful and calming. He closed his eyes for a second; allowed himself to float there in his head... all the different smells in the room making him feel giddy.  
  
Finally he felt Luke’s hand... cold, presumably from the ice-cream... smooth down his back, as he made his way to stand before Noah once more.  
  
“Okay,” Luke whispered, “now try this one...”  
  
Noah immediately opened his mouth expecting to eat something else but Luke said, “Wait!”  
  
Noah's mouth closed.  
  
“First… smell…”  
  
He breathed in deeply through his nose; was rewarded with the rich cocoa aroma of dark chocolate with a hint of cherry. He eagerly parted his lips to receive the treat he knew Luke held in his fingers, but instead Luke’s lips met his, and the chocolate-cherry mixture poured into Noah’s mouth, along with that distinctive taste of Luke. The combination instantly sent a very urgent and distinct message to Noah's groin. He expelled a deep whimper, especially as Luke’s hands came up to press into his chest... curl around his neck.  
  
He gripped Luke’s elbows as they kissed, but quickly and unexpectedly Luke stepped back from him.  
  
“Sorry,” Luke said, sounding uncertain. “When I did this I wasn’t trying too… You just look so… I didn’t mean we had too…”  
  
“Luke?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Shut up and get back over here!”  
  
He heard Luke smile. He wasn’t sure how that was possible, but he did. Luke’s arms were quickly back around him, and the next kiss was heartfelt... but he suddenly broke away again.  
  
“Hey?” Noah complained.  
  
“Just wait a sec…” Luke sounded like he’d had an eureka moment.  
  
There was a shuffling coming from around the closet area, and when Luke returned he placed a strip of fabric in Noah’s hands. Noah felt up and down the length of it; immediately recognized it to be a tie.  
  
“I want you to blindfold me…” It was said directly in Noah's ear as a whisper.   
  
Noah felt goose-bumps forming. “Are you sure?”  
  
“I want to feel what you’re feeling…”

"What's with us and ties?" Noah joked as he obliged Luke.  
  
It was incredible how fine-tuned the tone of Luke’s voice was, now that Noah's sense of hearing was heightened… Noah could hear every sound from him; half breathless, half choked between laughter and passion... seeped in a deep longing. 

Noah felt Luke's arms; up along the smooth hard curve of his shoulders. Finding his neck, Noah looped the tie around his head, feeling gently up Luke's face where he carefully positioned the fabric to block Luke's sight. With trembling fingers, Luke helped Noah secure the tie's knot on the side of his head.   
  
Luke took Noah's hands in his own; began to move backward, drawing Noah with him toward the dresser, where Noah suspected Luke had placed all his sensory items. One of Luke’s hands left his, and Noah felt the other pat up his body. The hand searched out Noah's chin in order to find the position of his mouth. The other hand returned to tease a slice of melon between Noah's lips; which Luke chased with his tongue. Luke was gentle as he touched and explored him; his mouth on a nipple, in his ear, on his neck...

Noah felt in them that sudden and amazing surge of power. He lost all sense of time.  
  
And so it began…  
  
There were deep-seated and secret aromas he’d never noticed when they’d made love before, but with the blindness these were heightened... left him begging, craving more. After a thousand and one different taste kisses... laced with vanilla ice-cream, chocolate mouse, toffee... Noah licked the last of the velvet sugar off his lover’s lips, his heart skipping a beat at every touch; knees weakening on each flick of Luke’s tongue against his own.  
  
Instead of fearing the darkness, they were losing themselves in it, using it to experience a different kind of sexual encounter; growing more and more excited by it. Almost like reaching a new level of enlightenment. Noah sensed Luke’s grace and his beauty by listening to his gentle moans, and drowning in his addictive vapor. And feeling him; every bump and curve and angle, tight and wanton against his own body. Noah used his hands to see; sliding his palms flat against Luke’s chest and belly... around his waist... cupping his buttocks... drawing them down over the bulge of his thigh to the back of his knee’s. He smelled Luke out... until smell changed to taste, which he licked greedily off the tip of Luke’s manhood. Luke’s groans filled his ear drums; spurred him on. Noah felt Luke twitch and throb in the depths of his mouth, his hitching breath sounding so much louder than it ever did before.  
  
And these were just the sensations Noah was experiencing in the giving, what he was receiving in return was driving his brain into a mental state of pure euphoria... never knowing where Luke’s hands or lips would next fall; exploding in rippling shivers each time Luke’s fingers grasped, tickled, smoothed his skin... cupped him... squeezed, rubbed, pulled at him; physically shaking and releasing a guttural moan as Luke’s wet tongue explored inside of him.  
  
Later as the spasms slowly died away, Luke lay half turned to him. They were sticky with flavors they’d licked off each other... wordless... comforted; hearts thumping the same rhythm. Noah pressed his nakedness against him, burying into his hair. He clung to Luke; wept into their love... and it felt good.  
  
***  
  
Noah slammed the bread bin open, grabbed the bread and threw it down on the countertop... slammed the bread bin closed again. He had no real reason to be annoyed by it, he knew that. It was such a little thing; done for all the right reasons, but he hated it just the same.  
  
Luke was attending a meeting to finalize the last aspect of the Grimaldi Shipping sale, so it was left to Noah to make lunch for himself and the kids. When he entered the kitchen, it became quickly clear that Luke had placed everything he would need to make lunch within easy access.  
  
“Dammit Luke!” he huffed.  
  
He paused and took a deep breath... resolved to calm down about it. It was done out of love and concern. He would just have to talk to Luke about it; so that he didn’t do the same thing the next time. And there would be a next time, wouldn’t there? And another, and another… It had been a week since his operation, and except for those occasional lines across his eyes, sight remained an elusive thing…

 _This is forever, isn't it?_  
  
He sighed and pulled the plate Luke left there closer toward him, felt around for where he’d dumped the bread and removed two slices, placing them on the plate. It was as he made a move to find the butter that he swung too quickly; knocked something off the counter. It sounded like glass and it definitely broke as it hit the floor.  
  
“Fuck!” he yelled in frustration; felt like kicking himself when he remembered the kids watching a DVD in the next room. He rubbed his face with both his hands; felt his way along the countertop to the sink, opening the cupboard under it to find the dustpan and brush. He squatted down; carefully felt around the floor until his fingers found the squidgy mess and broken glass. He started to locate the larger shards first, dumping them in the pan. He continued this slow progress until he felt a hand on his, taking the pan from him.  
  
He heard the brush sweeping the floor and the contents empty into the bin, before he was steered to a kitchen stool and urged to sit.  
  
“Was it ham you wanted?”  
  
Usually Noah would protest, but this was the first time during the week that Josh had interacted with him at all, beside the occasion greetings of hello. Whenever they were in the same room, Noah knew Josh was there just from the sheer force of nervous energy radiating from the kid. He spoke to Luke about it, and they decided to let Josh be. He would deal with things in his own time.  
  
So although receiving this kind of help in any form was usually a no-no for Noah, he made no attempt to stop Josh. “Ham, yes please.”  
  
He listened to Josh butter the bread; open up the ham.  
  
“Um, do you have mayo usually?” Josh asked.   
  
“Yeah. And pickles, but I guess I’ll have to forego those this time!” He smiled to encourage Josh to continue.  
  
“Unless you like the taste of glass and dust in your food...” Josh joked.  
  
Noah laughed. “Just a little ham, cheese and mayo... hold the crunch.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
Noah remained quiet as Josh worked. Again he could feel that apprehension and shame from the kid. “I admire you a lot, you know Josh?” There was silence as Josh froze in the middle of his task. “I never did what you did.”  
  
“What did I do?”  
  
“I never stood up and told my dad I was gay the way you did. I hid who I was for a long time… And I was older than you are now before I could even admit it to myself. I never had your courage.”  
  
“I doubt that!”  
  
“Yeah well… It’s the truth.”  
  
“So, where is he then? Your dad?”  
  
“He’s dead.”  
  
He heard Josh shift uncomfortably. “Oh, I’m sorry…”  
  
Noah smiled. “That’s okay.”  
  
“Did… did he know? Did he know you were gay by the end?”  
  
“Eventually, but I never told him.”  
  
“How’d he find out?”  
  
Noah laughed slightly, remembering what had been one of the best and worst moments of his life.  
  
***   
  
_“So your dad thinks you and Maddie are back together again?” Luke didn’t sound at all impressed as he matched into the WAOK office to file some tapes away._  
  
 _Noah followed, keen Luke not get the wrong idea. “I didn’t mean to lie to him, and I swear that when he comes back I’ll straighten everything out... but when Maddie told me to just let him go, I suddenly felt this weight lift off me! It’s like I can breathe again! And… I can be… I don’t know…”_  
  
 _Luke smiled at him. “Yourself?”_  
  
 _“Yeah.” He felt his mood slip a little at that. “I wish I could feel like this all the time…”_  
  
 _“Well, you can and… I’m not trying to pressure you or anything, but once your dad does come back and if you do decide to come out to him… this… this feeling… this freedom just… not hiding… that will be normal…”_  
  
 _Wow! Is this amazing guy for real?_  
  
 _“I owe you.”_  
  
 _Luke's dimpled smile and sudden shyness was utterly adorable. “No you don’t.”_  
  
 _The way their eyes kept locking…_  
  
 _Noah couldn’t stop staring at him, and a compulsion was building. He wondered whether he dared go there…_  
  
 _Luke was starting to notice; was fidgeting nervously under his gaze. “Um... Look, I gotta... I gotta study for this Lit exam…” he grabbed for his books and Noah found himself stopping him by gripping around his wrist. Luke's skin felt so good…_  
  
 _Luke looked up with those beautiful eyes; their gaze locked again._  
  
 _Noah didn’t care about his dad anymore. He didn’t care about anything but the desire he felt to kiss that mouth that was already waiting slightly open for him. Their lips met quickly. Luke’s hands came up to cradle his head, and he felt a million volts spark through him. He pulled him closer; touched Luke back until_ _a heavy presence filled the room; broke them instantly apart. Luke flung back away from him, and Noah turned horrified to face his father._ _“Dad? I thought you were out of town?”_

Shit! Way to go dickhead! Now he knows you were just waiting for him to leave Oakdale!   
  
_His father’s face was devastated. He leaned into the doorway in shock. “Oh I wish I was!” he shook his head. “I’d give anything not to see what I just did…”_  
  
********************  
  
“Wow,” Josh exclaimed. “Awkward!”  
  
“Yeah, tell me about it! But that wasn’t the worst of it! My father attacked Luke, and he ended up paralyzed from the waist down.”  
  
“Luke did?” he was shocked.  
  
Noah nodded. “He was in a wheelchair for months. We didn’t know if he would ever walk again.”  
  
“Man, I can’t believe it!”  
  
“I couldn’t either! I spent a _long_ time blaming myself for that, Josh! A very long time!”  
  
“But it wasn’t your fault Noah! It was your dad that hurt Luke.”  
  
Noah smiled and nodded. “Just like this isn’t your fault?” He pointed toward his eyes. “You’re no more to blame for your father’s actions than I was for mine, okay?” There was another silent pause. “Josh?”  
  
The boy sighed deeply. “Okay.”  
  
“So, we’re good, right?”  
  
The kid sniffed. “Yeah and… I wanted to say, thanks… you know? For trying… with my dad…”  
  
“I just wish it had helped.”  
  
“It means a lot that you tried.”

Noah heard the plate slide across the counter as Josh pushed the finished sandwich toward him. 

“Enjoy!” Josh announced.   
  
“Noah, I’m hungry!” Nicholas exclaimed, suddenly entering the room.  
  
“Watch where he walks will you, Josh?” Noah asked quickly, worried about glass shards that might still be on the floor.  
  
“It’s okay, Noah, he has his slippers on…”  
  
“Come up here!” Noah patted his lap; waited until he felt Nicholas’s hand on his thigh before lifting him up. “Josh has made us a nice lunch... have a bite.”  
  
“Mm! I like this!” Nicholas said through a mouthful of sandwich, making both Josh and Noah laugh at him.  
  
Noah took a bite as Nicholas held it to his lips. “Yum!” he agreed.


	7. Chapter 7

Some days were better than others. Luke was amazed at how well Noah was handing the blindness. Considering it was the second time around... when a person could be even angrier at life... Noah was doing great.  
  
His reaction the last time was to push the people who loved him away, in some misguided desire to protect them. But he had definitely learned from that mistake. This time he pulled Luke to him and let those feelings out… allowed Luke to be there for him. And as a result, he was coping far better than ever before, as was Luke.  
  
But there were still times when he would lash out, and then he’d spend at least a day in deep depression... chastising himself for it. And it didn’t matter how many times Luke told him it was all right... that he was allowed to get mad and break things and yell... Luke wouldn’t love him any less because of it. It was just in Noah’s nature to be concerned about how his blindness was affecting the people he loved.  
  
“Okay, we’re done!” said Dr. Coleson, scribbling something on his chart; popping his pen in his coat pocket.  
  
“So?” asked Luke hopefully. “Any change?”  
  
Noah sat stiff on the exam table, dreading the reply.  
  
“Well as you both know, I’m no Dr. Reid Oliver, but from what I learned during my short time with him, this procedure should have worked.”  
  
“But…?” asked Noah.  
  
“I don’t really have another ‘but’. As far as I can tell, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t have regained your sight, Noah. However there is still some redness at the back of your eyes, which I believe could be the cause. It may just be a matter of time. I'm sorry I can't give you anything more concrete.”  
  
“Okay,” Noah whispered, obviously trying not to get too frustrated at this.  
  
“Do you have any other questions before I return to Oakdale?”  
  
"No. Thank you for flying down today."  
  
“It’s my pleasure, and I’ll be back in a week. Just remember to take my advice and get plenty of rest. Your eye's are trying to heal, so make sure you let them do that.”  
  
Luke saw him to the door while Noah searched beside him for his cane; hopping off the table. “It’s all thanks to you, you know?” he said once he heard the door close.  
  
“What do you mean?” asked Luke.  
  
“That we even have a small spec of hope right now.”  
  
“I don’t follow…”  
  
“Well, if it hadn’t been for you, Reid would never have found the patience to pass on his skills to Dr. Coleson. It was because of what you taught him… the effect you had on him. He never would have done that if he hadn’t met you…”  
  
Luke squeezed his shoulder. "I like to believe he would have."  
  
"Yeah, you just keep believing that, Luke!" Noah responded cheekily.  
  
A small moment of tension fell between them; but they quickly brushed it off. This was a topic they would probably never agree on anyway.   
  
“I’ve kinda been putting off telling work…” Noah said, as they made a move to leave the room. "I kept hoping I wouldn’t have too. They’ve called, you know? Wanting to know when I’d be back…”  
  
“Noah, you can still finish that movie!”  
  
“How?”  
  
“Babe, the filming is done! You know those clips like the back of your hand! You can finish editing that movie without your sight! I know you can!”  
  
“I’m so afraid…” he whispered, trying to keep strong.  
  
Luke hugged him as he began to break down. “I know, but I believe in you.”  
  
Noah nodded into his shoulder.  
  
***  
  
Mia had developed a fascination for the daily arrival of post. Despite the fact she couldn’t tell time, she seemed to know exactly when the postman was due. She would wait by the window, peering out to catch a glimpse of the uniformed man making his way up the street.  
  
“He’s here! He’s here!” she’d scream with excitement; then wait for somebody to open the door.  
  
“Good morning, Mia!” The man would greet with a smile. “How are you today?”  
  
“Hi,” she’d reply shyly, hands gripping the sides of her dress as she swayed gently. “Do you have letters?”  
  
“Do I? Well, I don’t know… Shall we take a look then?” And she’d nod and stick a finger in her mouth... watching... peering over the top as he searched though his bag of letters and parcels... pulled out the stack for their address. “Oh, yes! Here they are, miss!” he’d announce; hand the pile to her in a very official manner.  
  
Then one day, after following through with this same procedure, and after handing her the usual pile of letters and bills, he made a move as if to tie up his bag and then stopped suddenly. “But, wait a minute! What’s this?”  
  
Mia’s eyes widened as she watched him.  
  
“Looks like there’s a letter in here for… Mia…?”  
  
She gasped in surprise. “For me?”  
  
He pulled out a pink envelope with daisies on it, and she took it like it was gold.  
  
“Well, pretty lady! That’s my delivery for the day! See you tomorrow!” He tipped his hat to her and Luke mouthed a hidden thank you to him. He winked and left as Luke closed the door behind him.  
  
She stood there holding the stack of regular letters in one hand and her own pink one in the other.  
  
“You got a letter, Mia?” asked Nicholas, having watched her exchange with the postman from the living room floor, where he was busily building a city of toy blocks and cars.  
  
Without looking away from the letter, Mia stretched her hand up to give Luke the main post before turning on her heals; sprinting off down the passage. “Noah! Noah! I got a letter! Noah!”  
  
“Noah!” Nicholas yelled too, following her with just as much excitement. “Noah! Mia got-ted a letter!”  
  
Luke shook his head and smiled, “Favoritism!”  
  
He browsed through the stack in his hands. Most of the envelopes were clearly bills, but one of them stood out immediately. It was stamped “LA Daily News.” He frowned at it, wondering what it could be about. Expecting some advertisement for a subscription service, he couldn't contain his surprise when he read the letter.  
  
***  
  
Dear Mr. Snyder  
  
As you can imagine we receive all kinds of letters, books and articles from readers on a daily basis, and it would be impossible for me to read them all. In fact, it is rare that those I do get time to read actually grab me or compel me to reply.  
  
However I would like to thank you for sending me the segments of your writing. I found them to be exceedingly enjoyable, emotional and truthful. You have a very distinctive style, so much so that I believe you have the makings of a fine reporter.  
  
As it would seem that your aim is to become an author, I don’t imagine you would be interested in a reporting position here at LA Daily News, but I am writing to offer you one.  
  
If you find my proposition interesting, I would be most pleased to make your acquaintance at your earliest convenience. Please find my contact details below.  
  
I do hope to hear from you.  
  
Yours sincerely  
  
***  
  
It was signed J.S. Dimbleby, Editor-in-Chief.  
  
By this point Luke had lost all feeling in his legs. He dropped down onto a chair by the dining table. His hands were actually shaking.  
  
“Luke, are you in here?”

Luke looked up; watched as Noah felt his way through the door, followed by the kids. Mia was still holding her letter tightly between her fingers.

“Mia got a letter and she needs help to read it.”  
  
“She’s not the only one that got a letter.” Luke said softly, his eyes glued to Noah.  
  
“No?”  
  
Since Luke knew Noah couldn’t see the look on his face... couldn’t see all the amazement and love in his eyes... he got up, walked over to him, and kissed him hard on the lips.  
  
“Okay,” Noah laughed as they broke apart. “Wow! Not complaining, but what was that for?”  
  
"For being incredible!"  
  
Picking up on the choked sound in Luke’s voice, Noah felt up his face frowning with worry. “Are you okay? Did something happen?”  
  
“You sent transcripts of my book to the Daily News?”  
  
Noah looked tentative, obviously not sure whether Luke was happy about it. “Yes. I sent it to all the newspapers. I thought they should know how amazing you are and I knew you wouldn't do it yourself, so...”  
  
Luke shook his head and bit his lower lip.  
  
“Did you get a reply?” Noah asked.  
  
“Noah!”  
  
“What? What is it? Come on Luke I’m _dying_ over here!”  
  
Luke hugged him. “They want to train me as a reporter.” There was laughter in his voice. It was like a dream.  
  
“What?” Noah squeezed him tighter.  
  
“I have a letter from the editor! He wants to meet me! He wants to offer me a job on the paper!”  
  
Noah laughed and said, “That’s fantastic! I’m so happy for you!”  
  
“Thank you!”  
  
“You deserve it!”  
  
“Well… it’s not a done deal yet but… God I’d love that job!”  
  
“Luke,” Nicholas asked, pulling at the bottom of his shirt, getting impatient, “read Mia’s letter, Luke… please!”  
  
“Oh, yes,” said Noah remembering, “Mia got a letter!”  
  
“I saw!” said Luke, giving Noah one last peck on the mouth before taking Mia by the hand and sitting with her on the couch. “Well, open it up and I’ll read it to you, okay?”  
  
Mia clumsily tore the envelope off; pulled out the matching pink writing paper.  
  
“Dear Mia,” Luke read, “I have been watching you from my place up in the sky with the stars. You are a very special little girl that brightens the life of one postman every day when he delivers the mail to your door. I wanted to write a letter to you, Mia, to say thank you for being so wonderful.” He smiled at her. “Lots of love from the Man in the Moon.”  
  
“The Man in the Moon?” yelled Nicholas excitedly. “Wow!”  
  
“That’s amazing, baby!” agreed Noah, taking a seat in the opposite armchair. “I’ve never heard of anybody getting an actual letter from him!”  
  
Mia stared down at the letter in awe. She lifted her eyes to Luke and beamed at him with such an incredible smile he thought his heart might stop.

When he didn’t... couldn’t... say anything for quite some time Noah asked, “Luke?”  
  
Luke let out a breathy laugh as Mia jumped from his lap to join Nicholas on the floor with all the cars. “She just smiled at me…”  
  
That was all he needed to say, he could tell Noah understood exactly how he felt, because he nodded with a soft smile of his own.  
  
***  
  
“Neeowww!” squealed Josh, imitating the sound of an airplane as he ran through the house with Nicholas sitting atop his shoulders, ducking low under the doorways to avoid knocking the child’s head.  
  
Nicholas screamed with laughter as he clawed onto the top of Josh’s head to keep from falling off.  
  
“Oh no,” Josh announced, “enemy aircraft approaching! Quick right turn!”  
  
“Ahhhhh!” yelped Nicholas.  
  
Josh jolted back and forward. “Mayday, mayday, we’ve been hit! Pilot ejecting!”  
  
Josh gripped Nicholas under his arms and lifted him quickly, throwing him up toward the ceiling so that he landed with a bounce on the couch... collapsing on him to blow raspberries into his tummy. The child’s face was flushed; his eyes wet from the laughter.  
  
“Stop!” he giggled. “Josh! Stop! It Tickles!”  
  
“Hey you guys, Keep it down will you? Mia’s sleeping!” Noah smiled from the armchair, where he'd been listening to music.  
  
Luke sat typing at the table.  
  
“Sorry,” Josh whispered, out of breath.  
  
“Yeah, sowwy!” Nicholas imitated.  
  
Since staying with them, Josh found himself becoming more and more attached to the little guy. At first Nicholas was very suspicious of his presence in the house, always standing a few feet away, but always somehow interested in the older boy. Josh could feel Nicholas' little eyes studying his every move.  
  
Eventually... especially after Casey and Alison finally left for Oakdale... Nicholas started to ask Josh questions about the things he did. Like when he waxed up his surfboard... stolen out of his father’s garage one day when he knew they wouldn’t be there. But now Nicholas followed him all over the house, talking to him incessantly and Josh enjoyed playing with him. Although there were times when he just wanted some peace. The kid certainly knew how to talk!  
  
The doorbell rang and Josh shot up. “I’ll get it!”  
  
“Yeah, we’ll get it!” Nicholas repeated, and Josh laughed at how cute he was, copying the way he walked to the door.  
  
It was his mother.  
  
He wasn’t sure how he felt on seeing her. He hadn’t seen or spoken to her since the night he left the house. She hadn’t made any effort to visit him, nor had she even phoned to find out how he was. And that hurt. He and his mother had always been close, sharing everything. But he guessed this was one thing she didn’t want to share.

She looked terrible; gaunt and broken. “Hello Josh.”  
  
His heart was frozen. “What are you doing here?”  
  
Nicholas immediately backed away, nervous at the tone of Josh’s voice.  
  
“I’d like a moment of your time, if that’s okay?” she asked.  
  
“It’s a little late, isn’t it?”  
  
She shook her head. “Josh, please don’t be like this.”  
  
“Where’s Dad?”  
  
“He doesn’t know I’m here…”  
  
Josh snorted with disdain. “Figures! And he’s not going to know, right? Because you certainly aren’t going to stand up to him and tell him what a complete asshole he is!”  
  
“Josh,” it was Noah from behind him, “don’t talk to your mother that way!”  
  
“Well I didn’t ask her to come here, did I?” Josh was suddenly angry. Noah was supposed to be on _his_ side.  
  
Luke approached the door. “Hello, Marion. Would you like to come in?”  
  
“Luke!” Josh began.  
  
“Josh, this is our house and your mother is welcome here.”  
  
Josh frowned and Luke sighed at him. “Hey,” he said more gently, squeezing his shoulder, “she’s trying. Give her a break.”  
  
Josh looked back to his mother; couldn’t deny the pain in her eyes, so he nodded.  
  
She came in slowly, her eyes instantly falling on Noah and filling with tears. “I’m so… I can’t even say it because it’s just meaningless…”  
  
Noah nodded in acknowledgement, standing up from his chair.  
  
“His hearing is on Wednesday,” she told them, nervously pushing her blonde hair behind one ear. “The lawyer expects… since he doesn’t have a past record… that he’ll get a year with probation. Thank you for not pressing charges.”  
  
“What!" Josh exclaimed, feeling his blood start to boil. “You didn’t press charges?”  
  
“Josh…” Noah said softly.  
  
“Why not? Why didn’t you? After what the bastard did, you’re letting him off?”  
  
“Your family has been hurt enough Josh. This isn’t just about him.”  
  
“But…”  
  
“Your father has a whole family to support. Do you really want to take that away from your mom? From your sisters?”  
  
Josh sighed, of course he didn’t.  
  
“It’s already going to be a hard year on them. We don’t need to make it worse. What your father did is wrong and he’s going to pay the price for it. Enough of a price… Okay?”  
  
“Okay,” he said softly.  
  
“Can we talk?” his mother half begged.  
  
“I really don’t have anything to say to you.”  
  
“Okay, but I have stuff to say to you… to ask you…”  
  
Josh glared at her but didn’t counter her.  
  
“Come on kids; let’s go for a walk to the beach!” Luke announced.  
  
“Yeah!” Nicholas exclaimed, and they spent a few minutes putting on shoes. Luke handed Noah his cane and they left the house.  
  
The door closed and Josh started to feel claustrophobic.  
  
“Shall we sit?” his mother asked, pointing to the couch. Josh sat on one end and his mother took the other, her hands in her lap. It was then that Josh noticed the overnight bag she had with her.  
  
She caught him looking. “Oh… I brought some of your things… I thought it only right… um… I guess Luke and Noah have been buying you clothes?”  
  
Josh nodded. “Yeah, they’ve been great. Amazing actually.”  
  
She nodded sadly.  
  
“So…?” Josh asked, “Do you believe me? Do you believe that I’m gay?”  
  
“I’m sorry for the way things happened… when you told us… I’ve never seen your father like that! And… if I’m truthful… it’s difficult, Josh… for me…”  
  
“Oh, and it’s just a walk in the park for me?”  
  
“No… of course not! Your father and I, we… we grew up believing...”  
  
“That it’s wrong?”  
  
She looked at him sadly.  
  
“I thought you might understand Mom. I mean… you don’t seem to mind Luke and Noah…”  
  
She sniffed. “It’s different… it’s not _you_! I just always imagined you getting married and having a few kids…”  
  
“I can still do all that Mom! Just look at Luke and Noah! They love each other… I mean _really_ love each other and their kids…”  
  
She shook her head and sighed. “I just don’t understand this…"  
  
“At least accept it then… accept me… accept it when I say that I can’t change it…”  
  
“I want you to come home.”  
  
She had just avoided his plea and he knew it. He felt a stab through his gut, but he decided to hide it. “What do you mean?” he asked.  
  
“Your father’s going to prison. That’s a certainty. While he’s there, I’d like you to come home, please. It’s where you belong.”  
  
“Does he know you’re asking me?”  
  
Her eyes were pleading as she shook her head.  
  
“It’s not going to suddenly go away you know, Mom? You think that by the time Dad gets out, I’ll have changed my mind and we can go back to being the perfect family, right?”  
  
She couldn’t hold back her tears then. He watched her through tears of his own.  
  
“I think for now I’d like to stay here with Luke and Noah. At least until you can accept me for who I am. Thanks for the clothes. Can I drop by sometime for my other things?”  
  
Her breath shuddered as she nodded. She took a tissue from her bag, blew her nose and stood to leave.  
  
She turned to him on the doorstep. “I do love you.”  
  
“No you don’t. Not the _real_ me…”  
  
“Maybe when you come by we can at least spend some time together? I really do want to understand…”  
  
“Maybe.”  
  
“Okay. Will you tell Luke and Noah I said thank you? And I’ll phone to talk to them about your upkeep. I can send them money. And if you need anything…”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
His heart was breaking, but he didn’t want her to see it. It felt like she was selling him off, but then she surprised him but hugging him and kissing his cheek, and he felt a small flicker of hope that maybe one day she would come around.  
  
***  
  
Luke wasn’t sure what Nicholas and Mia were up to, but they’d been whispering together at Noah’s feet for more than an hour, obviously busily drawing something. He was surprised, because Nicholas didn’t usually share his drawings. Mia could look at them, but she was not permitted to scribble on the same page he was busy with. In his opinion, Mia didn’t know how to draw.  
  
“Hmm, we have ourselves an art critic as well as an artist!” Noah had teased the first time they witnessed Nicholas telling Mia to keep to her own picture.  
  
Luke was merrily ticking away on his laptop; smiling to himself. He knew that rhythm meant he was on a roll… his creative juices were flowing. He was extremely excited to meet with Mr. Dimbleby from the newspaper the following day. He really hoped it worked out. And it was all thanks to his amazing husband.  
  
“Noah we made you a picture…” said Mia, suddenly climbing up on Noah’s right thigh.  
  
“You did?”

Luke turned just in time to catch the look of sadness on his face.

Noah quickly masked this for the sake of the kids.  
  
“Yes,” Nicholas scrambled up his other leg and pressed the page into his hand.  
  
Noah breathed deeply, obviously feeling that usual sense of loss at his inability to see the picture presented to him with so much care and love.  
  
“Well, can you tell me what it is? Can you help me to see it?”  
  
“I draw-ded Grandma Emma and she’s feeding the chickens…” Nicholas explained.  
  
“Lovely!” said Noah. “What else?”  
  
“Grandma Emma’s basket has eggs and flowers in it…”  
  
“Aha?”  
  
“And there’s birds!” said Mia.  
  
“Wow! You drew a lot in this picture, didn’t you?”  
  
“Yeah and I draw-ded a horse too! And there are trees and under the trees Mia draw-ded…”  
  
“… a rabbit…” Noah almost whispered the word.  
  
Luke had since stopped paying full attention to their dialogue, so it took him a moment to process and make sense of what he was sure he just heard. His head shot up in Noah’s direction and the blue eyes were staring right at him... clear... blinking against the brightness; welling up and shining.  
  
“Noah?” Luke asked, hoping and praying he wasn’t imagining it…  
  
“It was like a curtain… like a curtain opening… I mean, it's still kinda blurry but...” Noah smiled that amazing smile from within a deep breath; started to sob with happiness and possible shock too.  
  
Luke flew across the room, knelt before them all; drew Noah into an overjoyed hug. “Oh, my God! Oh, my God!” He pulled back; read those eyes that had been closed to him for too long. “Welcome back, bubby.”  
  
“Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?” Noah gasped.  
  
“Yes!”  
  
“Well you are! You are one hell of a sight for sore eyes!”  
  
They laughed and hugged again.  
  
“Hey!” laughed Nicholas, getting squashed into the chair under Noah’s arm.  
  
“Sorry Nicky,” Luke said pulling back.  
  
“What’s happening?” asked a confused Mia.  
  
“Mia,” Noah said, taking her small chin in his fingers; studying her face before kissing her forehead. Then he turned to Nicholas and laughed. “Nicky!” He looked down at the paper still in his hands. “This is a stunning picture! This is one to keep forever!”  
  
Nicholas frowned at Noah, completely unable to comprehend what had gotten the two men so excited.  
  
“I can see you!” Noah told him.  
  
“You can see?” asked Mia.  
  
“Yes, I can… and you are all so beautiful!” he laughed again. “God, I’m so happy!”  
  
Luke laughed back, kissed him and uttered. “Oh, Noah! Same here!”  
  



End file.
